Wrecks Grossman's Days Are Numbered

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas Alva Edison

I'm not sure the number is 10,000, but Chicago Bears Rex Grossman is doing a fine job of finding ways that don't work: throwing into triple coverage, off the wrong foot, etc, etc.

To say he sucks is an understatement. He's a joke. The laughing stock of the league. To think that he's actually a starting quarterback in the NFL is beyond me. His performance last night brought back visions of Rick Meirer, PT Willis, and Henry Burris.

And if I hear one more TV jackass (yes, you John Madden..whom my wife remarked "looks like he's going to drop dead of a heart attack at any moment.") talk about Good Rex/Bad Rex, I'm going to take an axe to his or her shins.

There is no Good Rex. Last season we saw SUN SHINES ON A DOG'S ASS REX. He had a few very lucky games against sub-par opponents. This season he has 1 Touchdown and 6 Interceptions. Last night his QB Rating was 27.5. Nice numbers, eh? Good Rex has left the building.

But now for the tricky part. The Bears Defense is NOW. They are in their prime. Yes, last night they gave up some points, but that will happen when they're on the field for 35+ minutes a game because your offense cannot sustain a drive.

Their Offense is light years from being competitive. The Quarterback is horrible, the Running Back moves his legs a lot then kind of falls forward.

Brian Greise is not the answer. Could it be Kyle "neck beard" Orton? Who knows.

The dilemma that the Bears will face, most likely very, very soon, is how long they can stand by their struggling quarterback. The coaching staff's decision to repeatedly say "Rex is our Quarterback" is not only being questioned by the public, but at this point, you'd think the players also. You can see the frustration in the eyes of every player on the field when he throws an interception (26 since the start of 2006, tied for most in the league in that time frame.)

To say that his approval rating is rivaled only by that of our Commander-In-Chief would be an understatement.

For the sake of everyone in the Second City, hopefully his tenure doesn't last as long.

Not too Shabby

3-2-1 for the first week. It could have been worse ladies and gentlemen.

While I may not be Sam Rothstein, I didn't have a terrible week.

LOSERS:
Washington -4
NYG 24 Skins 17
One thing became evident this Sunday (besides the fact that Rex Grossman is the anti-christ): The Redskins defense sucks even more than Eli Manning. Eli and the New York Football Giants outscored the Skins 21-0 in the second half, cruising to a 24-17 win.

Bengals @ Seahawks OVER 50
Seahawks 24 Bengals 21
The Bengals couldn't post the 30 points I was counting on to break the over/under of 50, losing to the Seahawks 24-21. Chad Johnson...here's a new touchdown celebration...kiss my fat, hairy, white ass!


THE "A" LIST

Bills @ Patriots -17
Pats 38 Bills7
The Pat's Tom Brady and Randy Moss continued their dominance, manhandling the Bills and moving to 3-0 with a 38-7 victory. (I believe I predicted a final of 38-10)

49ers @ Steelers -9
Steelers 37 49ers 16
The Steelers also paid this weekend, beating the 49ers 37-16, easily covering the 9 points set by Vegas. A 20 point forth quarter sealed the deal and the Steelers move to 3-0.

Panthers -4 @ Falcons
Panthers 27 Falcons 20
Carolina's 14 point third quarter was the difference in the game, helping the Panthers beat the Falcons 27-20 in Atlanta. Thank you DeAngelo Hall. Your 67 yards in penalties helped Carolina finish your team off. And Thank You David Carr. Carr entered the game after Panther's QB Jake Delhomme went down with an elbow injury late in the third quarter.

KISSIN' YOUR SISTER AWARD:
Vikings -3 @ Chiefs
Vikings 10 KC 13
The Vikings managed to hold off Larry Johnson all day, limiting him to 42 yards on 24 carries. But the late TD to Dwayne Bowe sealed the come from behind victory, helping the Chiefs avoid a 0-3 start, winning 13-10.

More next Week....

My Dear F'ing Lord It Has Been a While...

But we're back.

I know everyone has been clamoring for some more of our off key humor, our stupid dick jokes, and our undying ability to bitch and complain about virtually EVERYTHING.

I'd like to kick off the season with some picks. Since we were so good last season, I will preface this by saying if you're a betting man, take the exact opposite of every game I suggest...

NY Giants @ Redskins
Skins -4

The Giants might be the worst unit in the NFL. Their Defense has given up an average of 40 points a game this season. That'd be a great number if we were talking about the Knicks. Not to mention I think Eli Manning is a colossal Vag.

That's the hottest piece of snooch Eli's ever had his small gay hands on...

Skins 28-6


Panthers @ Falcons
Panthers -4

This one's in a Dome. Jake Delhomme and Steve Smith are going to have career days against a Falcons Defense that has been somewhat stingy so far this season, only allowing 18.5 points per game. Unfortunately for the Falcons, their Offense has been dismal, scoring a total of 10 points in two games this season.

Panthers 31 - 10


Bengals @ Seahawks
OVER 50

Both teams should be able to score at will. This one is going to play over by a minimum of 10 points.

Bengals 35-31


49ers @ Steelers
Steelers -9
Pittsburgh is averaging 30 points a game while only giving up 5. Even by my math, that's a very good situation to be in.


This chick is our friend on MySpace. She's super hot and a Steelers fan. That's enough reason for me...

Steelers 24 - 9


Bills @ Patriots
Pats -17

Tom Brady and the Pats will move to 3-0 on the season with an easy win against Buffalo at home. Buffalo has managed to average 8.5 points per game, while the Patriots have scored 38 in two consecutive games while only allowing an average of 14 points against and 56 yards rushing in the same span.

Then Brady goes home to that.

Pats 38-10

Vikings @ Chiefs
Vikings +3

Ah, the Chiefs. A team that could give the Giants a run for their money. Kansas City has scored 13 points....all season.

There's nothing more to say here. I'm as sure of this game as I am that Dane Cook's a dousche bag, Barry Bonds is a cheat, and Wayne Brady is a white.

And let me go on record as the first person to plead the case for Brody Croyle's wife's Marvelous Cans to be named the starting QB of the Chiefs....

Vikings 28-12

Cubs' Prior out for the Season

Giant Vigina. Huge. Massive.

PUSSY.

A Serious Moment

In a place where boobs and 5th toilet grade humor tend to play a big role in our content, it may be strange to see a serious post.

One day after what is being dubbed the worst mass shooting in history, people are still trying to put the pieces back together.

Why is a shooting at Virginia Tech news on the Monday AM QB? Because Va Tech has been, and most defiantly will continue to be a force in Collegiate Sports.

So, in an effort to not be long winded, I say this: On behalf of the entire staff here at the Monday AM QB, the deepest sympathy and heartfelt remorse go out to everyone effected by the terrible acts that took place yesterday in Blacksburg, Va.