This Week's Tasty Nuggets

First off, let me apologize to any of you that took my picks in the AFC last weekend to heart. Boy do I suck. 0-2 in the AFC, 2-0 in the NFC and I called that Tony Romo would choke, just didn't think it would be in a fashion that would conjure up the name of Scott Norwood.

Well, lets do our weekly T.O. report. This week Mr I Love Me Some Me fired his publicist. Anyone who saw Ol Leatherface defend him after his botched suicide attempt should not be shocked. She is more of a social cancer than him. I guess T.O. had 20 million reasons to fire her.



























"I can't believe T.O. fired me!"



No Bengals have been arrested this week. This is very noteworthy since this will probably never happen again.


Monday night was the BCS National Championship Game, in which Florida kicked the everloving shit out of Ohio State. This was the third time that Ohio State played the #2 team and the first time they lost. Most experts that I have heard said Florida was better that night but that Ohio State would probably win most of the time against Florida. Guess thats what happens when a team has 50+ days to prepare for a team, which is a big reason why I believe College Football is a joke: NCAA boob Miles Brand (you know, the guy who fired the winningest NCAA coach in history, one Robert Montgomery Knight) says that a playoff system is not possible for academic reasons since the season would be too long. How about in those 50 days you have the playoffs, then the season is not extended at all. Problem solved. And don't try and hide behind academics: We all know that perennial powerhouses such as Florida State, Miami, Ohio State, and Michigan don't make their players actually attend class. See, I should run the NCAA.


Boise State went undefeated after beating Oklahoma in amazing fashion. Feel good story right? Wrong. They ended up ranked 5th in one poll and 6th in the other. In my mind this is bullshit. Now most will argue that if they played say, Florida or Ohio State they would get their ass stomped. I won't argue that would win, since nobody knows because of the lack of a playoff system (God, I sound like a broken record). But let me remind everyone that the people that rank them 5th and 6th despite going undefeated because of their "inferior" conference are also the ones that said they were going to get rolled by Oklahoma.


Nick Saban. Nick Saban may as well change his name to Larry Brown. I don't blame him for taking the money. Plus, he was about as adapt in the NFL as Mike Tyson would be with a Hooked on Phonics kit. I'm not going to bash him for leaving like ESPN marionette Dan LeBa(s)tard did last week while filling in on PTI (his presence made me promptly turn off one of my favorite shows and I still haven't returned. I hate him almost as much as Jay Marriotti and ESPN radio host Eric Kuselius, but thats neither here nor there.) The thing I do have a problem with is that he kept saying there was no way he would take that job, and even after he took the job he said he had no idea he was offered the job until 2 days before he signed. Nick you got caught in a lie so just fess up and say "Hey, I sucked in the NFL, I'm a power whore and can have complete control at Alabama, and I'm getting a shitload of money. Plus I'll be bigger than Christ in this state."


Finally some positive news. Two of the most respectable athletes ever got the ultimate phone call this week. Cal Ripken, who had a blue collar attitude for 17+ years and showed up for work every day, never bitched and most of all never cheated. And how about Tony Gwynn. Batted at least .300 for 19 straight years. Thats sick. Mr. Gwynn, let me speak for all short fat people when I say that you sir are an inspiration to us all. Best of all, Mark McGwire didn't even sniff a Hall of Fame spot, making him the only eligible player with 500 homers not in. Guess the Hall voters didn't want to talk about the past when it came to assessing old Mark's numbers. But, if they vote in Sammy Sosa (not bloody likely that Corky will get in) or Barry Bonds then they are hypocrites.


Time for this week's Mockery Player of The Week. I want to give props to someone who is really getting overshadowed by his older brother this week, Mr. Bill Ripken. Bill, well, Bill sucked. He made history in 1987 when he, along with brother, played in a game, which was managed by their father Cal Sr. This was not his biggest feat though. Bill made national news in 1989, but it was not for his stellar glove at second base. It was for a card printed by Fleer depicting him holding a bat on his shoulder and the words "Fuck Face" on the bottom of the bat.






















Is that Cal's little bro or MAMQB contributor Southside Eddie?