Saturday, December 30, 2006

I Wanna Be Like Mike

Chicago AP is reporting that Michael Jordan and wife of 17 years, Juanita, filed for divorce on Friday. It’s the second time the Jordan’s have gone through the motions. In 2002 Juanita filed for divorce but quickly changed her mind when someone told her she was married to one of the richest athletes in the world. This time, Juanita means business.

Juanita has said any attempts to reconcile their marriage in the future “"would be impractical and not in the best interests of the family."


"That Bitch want's How Much?"

This one is going to cost Mike big bucks. Why you ask? Because she’s put up with his shit for too long. All the gambling and womanizing have most likely compounded exponentially in the five years since their last visit to the lawyers. Let’s break it down…

Gambling. It’s known that Mike has a little problem. His reputation in Vegas and Atlantic City is well known and the stories of his long runs at many Blackjack tables are plentiful. Many of such runs have reportedly taken place the evening before a game. Supposedly Jordan favored A.C. when playing in New York or New Jersey and Vegas when playing Utah or L.A.

It’s also been rumored he’s a big money guy on the golf course. Jordan lost $1.3M in ten days in 1991, all chronicled in Michael & Me: Our Gambling Addiction . . . My Cry for Help! by Richard Esquinas. The book wasn’t taken seriously initially, but Esquinas produced correspondence and canceled checks.

And there’s also the tale of $57,000. After a reported week of golf and gabling at his Hilton Head home, Jordan was down $57,000 to a shady character named James Bouler and $108,000 to a friend, Eddie Dow. Bouler had a few run-ins with the law, including possession of cocaine with intent to distribute and two probation violations, both after he was arrested carrying semi-automatic weapons.

When Jordan cut the check to pay his debt, Bouler deposited the money in an account for a high tech golf driving range. The feds, suspecting this cash was drug money, seized the funds. In the end, it was Jordan who cleared his friend’s name. Jordan publicly acknowledged giving Bouler the $57K, but said it was a loan to start the driving range. MJ’s story prompted a US District Court Judge to rule in favor of Mr. Bouler, finding the IRS seized the money in violation of Bouler’s rights.

Then, less than six months later, Eddie Dow was robbed of $20,000 and killed outside his home. Among Dow’s belongings? Three checks, two from Jordan’s personal account and one cashier’s check. The total? $108,000.

Conspiracy theorists speculate that his 1993 retirement was actually an agreement between Jordan and the NBA, letting Mike walk away while increased scrutiny for his gambling habit peaked and seek professional help for his growing habit. .

In the press conference Jordan said he had nothing left to prove and looked forward to spending time with this wife and children. (A short time later he would be boarding a bus with the Birmingham Barons, a minor league affiliate of the Chicago White Sox, which, by chance, was owned by Bulls owner Jerry Reinsdorf…)

Two days after the press conference, NBA Commissioner David Stern announced the five month long investigation into Jordan’s alleged gambling had ended without finding any incriminating evidence

Regardless of the reasoning, Jordan’s retirement in ’93 is and will always be one of the strangest situations surrounding a Sports Super Star.


Woman. While it’s always been rumored that Jordan kept girlfriends in virtually every NBA city (a practice many players have been accused of) and stories of ref’s hooking MJ up with dolly’s after games have been shared with the press, there is one name that almost haunted Jordan for life.

Karla Knafel, a former lover, filed a $5M lawsuit against MJ, insisting Jordan promised her the money for keeping quiet and not filing a paternity suit after she became pregnant in 1991. However, a DNA test proved Mike wasn’t the Baby-Daddy and the suit was dropped.

Given what the public knows, which is most likely a small piece of the whole Michael Jordan story, this divorce should not come as a surprise to anyone. The shocking thing should be the fact that they made it 17 years.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Let me vent please!



Christmas Eve is supposed to be a time of joy. Especially this year for the avid sports fan since there is football on all day. Unfortunately my day has been ruined by one man. His name is Kenny Williams, and he will now be known as "The Grinch Who Traded My Playoff Hopes". See, I've backed this man loyally for years, and in 2005 I was rewarded for it. I didn't bitch a few weeks ago when he traded Freddie Garcia for prospects. Fact is I knew one pitcher was going to go, supposedly to make room for Brandon McCarthy. And I didn't mind it being Garcia, I've never been a huge fan of his anyway. I felt he could have gotten a lot more than prospects, but I still had faith. I thought Kenny knew what he was doing.

Well, now he has gone mad. Last night he traded Brandon McCarthy to Texas for 3 players with no major league experience. Why would you trade a 23 year old phenom who isn't making any money for 3 guys who have yet to play in the majors? It's completely assinine. Thank you for ruining this Sox fan's (and I'm sure the rest of his family's) Christmas, Mr. Grinch!

























And here we see Sox GM Kenny Williams,
AKA The Grinch, stealing toys from kids
at a local hospital.

Friday, December 22, 2006

Pickled Marlin

Marlins pitcher Dontrelle Willis was arrested at 4:30am this morning on SUSPICION of Drunk Driving.


FUCK! They got me!

What was the cause of the traffic stop you ask?

An officer spotted Willis, 24, pull is black Bently over, get out, and start urinating in the middle of the road. When approached by officers, his intoxicated state became evident and Mr. Willis was placed under arrest. He refused to take a breath test at the station and was transported to Miami-Dade County Jail.

WHAT THE FUCK? Stop your Bently in the middle of the road to take a leak? That's shit the writers of this blog would pull, minus the Bently of course. When will these super star millionaire athletes stay out of trouble? Watch this story, it could get better....

Thursday, December 21, 2006

NCAA Bowl Game Experiment and Predictions




























This is my time of the year. March Madness in December. The culmination of five months of observing, analyzing, and finger-pointing. My two-week personal Super Bowl: The college football bowl season. Let's jump right in.

I'm hosting an experiment this year. The experiment will serve to benchmark my devotion to NCAA pigskin, though it could come at a high cost -- proving that I am an idiot when it comes to MY SPORT -- college football.

I've filled out three separate College Bowl pools. Each pool was approached in a dynamic and strategic way. When the season is officially over, I will document the results. Here's the breakdown:

POOL #1
The smart, researched picks. These are based on the most recent point spreads as indicated by Vegas, and assigned points from smallest to largest based on which game had the smaller point spread. In theory, this is an untouchable pool, based solely on the opinions of the professionals in the business who know the sport the best.


21 DEC  BYU vs. OREGON          BYU      7  (+7)
27 DEC UCLA vs. FSU UCLA 10 (0)
28 DEC OKIE ST. vs. ALABAMA OKIEST 5 (+5)
28 DEC CAL vs. TAMU CAL 11 (+11)
29 DEC MISSOU vs. OREGON ST. OSU 8 (+8)
29 DEC TEXAS TECH vs. MINN TEXTECH 13 (+13)
29 DEC PURDUE vs. MARYLAND PURDUE 2 (0)
30 DEC NAVY vs. BC BC 12 (+12)
30 DEC IOWA vs. UTEX UTEX 18 (+18)
30 DEC UG vs VATECH VATECH 6 (0)
1 JAN PSU vs UTENN UTENN 9 (0) (YAY!)
1 JAN NEBRASKA vs. AUBURN AUBURN 4 (+4)
1 JAN GATECH vs. W.VIRG WVIR 20 (+20)
1 JAN WISCONSIN vs. ARKA ARKA 3 (+3)
1 JAN USC vs. MICHIGAN USC 1 (+1)
1 JAN BOISE ST. vs. OKIE OKIE 15 (0)
2 JAN WAKE vs. LOUISVILLE LOUIS 19 (+19)
3 JAN LSU vs. ND LSU 17 (+17)
6 JAN CINCY vs. W.MICH CINCY 16
8 JAN OHIO ST. vs. FLORIDA OSU 14
(+138 so far)


POOL #2
Rhino's intuitive picks. These selections and point assignments are based on what I've seen this year. In theory, the total points from this pool should be considerably less than the expert total in Pool #1.

21 DEC  BYU vs. OREGON          OREGON  13   (0)
27 DEC UCLA vs. FSU UCLA 14 (0)
28 DEC OKIE ST. vs. ALABAMA BAMA 10 (0)
28 DEC CAL vs. TAMU CAL 15 (+15)
29 DEC MISSOU vs. OREGON ST. OR. ST. 11 (+11)
29 DEC TEXAS TECH vs. MINN MINN. 12 (0)
29 DEC PURDUE vs. MARYLAND PURDUE 6 (0)
30 DEC NAVY vs. BC BC 20 (+20)
30 DEC IOWA vs. UTEX UTEX 16 (+16)
30 DEC UG vs VATECH UG 5 (+5)
1 JAN PSU vs UTENN TENN 4 (0) YAY!
1 JAN NEBRASKA vs. AUBURN AUBURN 17 (+17)
1 JAN GATECH vs. W.VIRG W.VIRG 8 (+8)
1 JAN WISCONSIN vs. ARK WISC 9 (+9)
1 JAN USC vs. MICHIGAN MICH 7 (0)
1 JAN BOISE ST. vs. OKIE BOIST. 1 (+1)
2 JAN WAKE vs. LOUISVILLE WAKE 2 (+2)
3 JAN LSU vs. ND LSU 18 (+18)
6 JAN CINCY vs. W.MICH W.MICH 3
8 JAN OHIO ST. vs. FLORIDA OSU 19
(+122 so far)


POOL #3
Rhino's random coin toss picks. Literally, the point assignments here were based on the outcome of a coin toss. I started with the earliest game, assigning more points to the following game. In theory, my ntuitive picks in Pool #2 should obliterate the total from this pool. I'd like to believe I'm smarter than an indiscriminatory silver 50-cent piece.

21 DEC  BYU vs. OREGON          BYU     1   (+1)
27 DEC UCLA vs. FSU UCLA 2 (0)
28 DEC OKIE ST. vs. ALABAMA BAMA 3 (0)
28 DEC CAL vs. TAMU TAMU 4 (0)
29 DEC MISSOU vs. OREGON ST. MISSOU 5 (0)
29 DEC TEXAS TECH vs. MINN MINN 6 (0)
29 DEC PURDUE vs. MARYLAND PURDUE 7 (0)
30 DEC NAVY vs. BC BC 8 (+8)
30 DEC IOWA vs. UTEX IOWA 9 (0)
30 DEC UG vs VATECH UG 10 (+10)
1 JAN PSU vs UTENN UTENN 11 (0)
1 JAN NEBRASKA vs. AUBURN NEB 12 (0)
1 JAN GATECH vs. W.VIR WVIR 13 (+13)
1 JAN WISCONSIN vs. ARKA WISC 14 (+14)
1 JAN USC vs. MICHIGAN USC 15 (+15)
1 JAN BOISE ST. vs. OKIE BOISE 16 (+16)
2 JAN WAKE vs. LOUISVILLE LOUIS 17 (+17)
3 JAN LSU vs. ND ND 18 (0)
6 JAN CINCY vs. W.MICH CINCY 19
8 JAN OHIO ST. vs. FLORIDA FLORIDA 20
(+94 so far)


The results will be forthcoming. I'll save you the breakdown of each individual game, but I'll share my insight into a few of the more prominent ones.

NEBRASKA vs. AUBURN
I had Auburn playing for the National Title this year. People keep talking about how strong the SEC is, and I can't take away from that, but here's the common oversight: Auburn beat Florida, the team playing the Buckeyes for the national title. The Tigers lost to two much weaker conference foes -- 10-3 Arkansas and 8-4 Georgia. If Auburn brings their A-game all season, they go to Glendale undefeated. Redemption for their two less-than-stellar conference performances will come at the Huskers expense.
NEBRASKA 17 AUBURN 33 (actual score: Neb 14 Aub 17) CORRECT!

WISCONSIN vs. ARKANSAS
Wisconsin has played a weak non-conference schedule, but that hasn't stopped them from losing only one game all year to the #3 Wolverines. I guess we'll actually see how tough the SEC is depending on how the 10-3 Razorbacks perform after they seemingly fell apart against Florida and LSU at season's end.
WISCONSIN 27 ARKANSAS 18 (actual score: Ark 14 Wisc 17) CORRECT!

USC vs. MICHIGAN
I thought Michigan would be the second team in the title game this year, but they fell just short of my prediction in Columbus this November. I was never supportive of a UM-OSU rematch -- as I see it UM had their chance and let it slip. I'm glad to see them going up against a 10-2 USC team, though. Pete Carrol will have his Trojans ready, but after losing AT Oregon State and AT UCLA, their trip out of L.A. to Pasadena for the Grandaddy game looks grim against the mighty Wolverine D.
USC 23 MICHIGAN 42 (actual score USC 32 Mich 18) INCORRECT!

LSU vs. ND
What can I say about ND? God only knows how they came back against Michigan State ealier this year, but the proof remains in the pudding. They've struggled against Georgia Tech and Michigan State, and lost big to Michigan and USC -- teams that a national-championship caliber team should be able to hang with. LSU's only losses came to Auburn and Florida, but their tougher regular season schedule will give them the upper hand against Weis and his size 68 Dockers.
LSU 27 ND 13 (actual score LSU 41 ND 14) CORRECT!

OHIO STATE vs. FLORIDA
Jim Tressel must be a postman in the off-season, because this guy delivers. Ohio State is the new perennial powerhouse of the Big Ten. I've doubted the Buckeyes abilities for the past three pre-seasons, but never again. They are consistent, and I'll only hand the reigns of the Big 10 back to Michigan if the Wolverines and Lloyd Carr can muster a win against Ye Olde Coach Sweatervest next season AND a better record. Florida's good, but in the second half of their Oct. 14 contest against Auburn, the Gators were snubbed by a stout Tigers D. If they couldn't move the ball against Auburn, I don't know how they'll do anything against a Buckeyes defense that allowed two touchdowns or less in 10 of their 12 regular season games. And next to offensive juggernauts Troy Smith, Antonio Pittman, Chris Wells, Ted Ginn and Anthony Gonzalez...Gators just don't look all that menacing.
OHIO STATE 38 FLORIDA 17

That's it for today kids.
Let's just hope I'm more knowledgable about college football than a circular piece of currency.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

This Week's Moneyshots

Tank Johnson was arrested for a misdemeanor pertaining to possessing some guns without a FOID card. No big deal, right? Wrong. He violated his probation from previous run ins with the law. Then, instead of laying low, he went out for a night on the town Friday. I guess he figured "Fuck it, I'm not playing this weekend anyway! Might as well get drunk and laid and go on a bender and rob and loot and do whatever else I feel like!" Point: he went looking for trouble and it found him. His "bodyguard" was shot and killed at a club that night. Does this guy never learn? Clean up your act, or else you will not be making millions playing football anymore. The latest rumor is the Bengals are very interested in picking up Johnson because he fits in so well with their team concept.

Terrell Owens. I have a feeling that he will be a regular in this weekly column. Thats nothing to be proud of, since I mostly just cover major assholes in this segment. This guy spit in the face of Atlanta Falcons DB D'Angelo Hall on Sunday. When asked about it after the game he said it was an accident. Then when there was word that the incident was not clearly visible on TV he said that Hall made the whole thing up. T.O., if you're going to lie, at least be consistent with your story. Your agent said you had 20 million reasons not to commit suicide. Well make that 19,965,000 reasons, since you were fined $35,000. This guy has been a weekly pain in the ass to the Cowboys, and I for one don't think Jerry Jones will have the stones to get rid of him in the offseason. You think Bill Parcels is wishing the pharmacist would have accidentally upped the dosage a couple months ago?

Let's talk about the brawl in Madison Square Garden. Let's try not to offend Steve Francis though. It was reported today that Francis feels the brawl is getting media coverage because the league is predominantly black. "In other sports, there are incidents that are way worse than basketball. So many worse things happen every game or four or five times a year, but because there are more black players in the NBA, it's under the microscope more than baseball or hockey." Look, Stevie Franchise, lets throw hockey out of the equation since fighting is allowed and a part of the game, and then there is the fact that hockey does not get nearly as much press coverage in general as basketball (I wonder if Steve would find that to be reverse discrimination). In baseball there may be a bench clearing brawl, but it usually gets broken up right away with nothing more than a little pushing and shoving. Plus, the last time I checked, there has never been a brawl in either of those sports that had the magnitude of the one that happened two years ago in Detroit.

Then there is Isiah Thomas. He was crying that Denver was running up the score, since George Karl left his starters in there. Only problem is that so did Isiah. Although most would agree that a Division III fifth string JV lineup could beat the Knick's starting five, he has no right to cry in this case. And Karl made that known. Now, I've never been a Karl fan. Didn't like him in Seattle. Didn't like him in Milwaukee. Didn't like him when he played Coach Lubbock on the late 80's family sitcom "Just the 10 of Us" (remember the episode when the son claimed his skateboard was stolen by hockey stick wielding Canadians?). But Ol Babyface is right on this one. In an obscenity laced tirade he called Thomas a "jackass". Supposedly Thomas warned Anthony not to go in the lane anymore. This means the brawl was premeditated. As if the team, or lack thereof, that Thomas has assembled wasn't bad enough, now he is taking his aggressions out on other teams. How does this guy still have a job? Are his employers the same ones who employ Matt Millen? His presence in the NBA is not only one of the great wonders of today, but a damn shame.









Which one coaches the Nuggets?
I can't tell the difference either!










Like I predicted last week, AI is not playing for Miami as ESPN clown/AI salad tosser Stephen A. Smith suggested he may. Today he was traded to Denver to play alongside Carmello Anthony, that is when Anthony returns from his 15 game suspension for the above mentioned brawl. He doesn't need to be near South Beach anyway. I envision a person of AI's character to be a huge skier and I can see the smile on his face when he found out he would be so close Aspen.




When asked about his new turf, AI stated "I can't wait
to get a hold of some of those snowbitches.
I love it here! We talkin bout skiing!"

Last night Chad Johnson was fined for wearing shoes with his picture on them. Thing is he was wearing them in pregame warmups. So why the fine? But the biggest problem is that I had the perfect candidate for this weeks Mockery Player of The Week after I saw someone wearing said player's 49ers jersey this weekend, but it turns out this player is back in the news since he is the one who actually fined Johnson. Remember Merton Hanks and his E.T.-neck celebration dance?
So, this week's MPOTW is former Cardinals/Bears TE Cap Boso. Boso played from 1986-1991 and was drafted out of Illinois. The only other thing I could find on him is that he "never finished in the top 10 in any category", thus furthering the proof that he is truly a mockery.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Trouble in the Meadowlands?

Is Archie Manning ready to Bitch Slap Coughlin?



The role that Archie Manning plays in the football life of his son Eli has been widely publicized. In 2004 when it came time for his young son to make the move from college ball at Ole Miss to the NFL, Archie Manning made it quite clear he didn’t want his soon-to-be super star son playing for a loser. Like the San Diego Chargers, who just so happened to hold the first pick.

So Archie instructed Eli’s agent, Tom Condon, to get in touch with the people in San Diego and instruct them to look past Eli on Draft day. Condon followed his client’s father’s wishes and added a tidbit of his own…that Eli would be better suited under center in New York with the Giants.

On draft day Commissioner Tagliabue approached the podium to announce the first pick. When he read Eli’s name the room filled with boos and disbelief. After posing for a few pictures with a Chargers jersey but refusing to put on a Chargers hat, Eli sat down for a press conference where he proceeded to announce that he would not play for San Diego. He decided football was not for him and he was going to pursue a degree in law.

Later that morning, after the New York Giants had selected Phillip Rivers with the fourth overall pick, a trade was announced. Eli was heading to New York after all.

Fast forward two years.

San Diego is the best team in the AFC. Phillip Rivers is at the helm of a passing attack made possible by the running of another ex-San Diego holdout LaDainian Tomlinson. The Chargers are coasting through the AFC with their sights on a trip to the Super Bowl.

And young Eli?

He’s completing his second season as the Giants quarterback. Currently the NYG are .500, third place in the NFC East, losing five of their last six games, and barely holding onto hopes of a wild card. And Mr. Manning’s stats? He’s thrown 6 INT’s and 7 TD’s in his last 8 games, and is making poor decisions that are starting to cost his team games.

After Sunday’s loss to the Eagles in which Eli threw a late interception leading to a Philly TD, coach Tom Coughlin said, “He should have seen it. He's in the shotgun. He has a good chance to see it. I think his attention is drawn off to the left. He doesn't see it. It happens. But you'd like to think he'd hit the hot receiver and maybe make 5 or 6 yards and have it be second down instead of a turnover."

Seems like Coughlin is starting to get frustrated with his quarterback’s play. This is the second time this season he has openly made comments directed at Eli’s inability to get the job done on the field.

With words starting to fly, Coughlin better look out. Archie’s not going to stand for that kind of talk about his son. Stay tuned to the situation in the Meadowlands.

Tuck & Run

This morning it is being reported that Indian female runner Santhi Soundararajan has failed a GENDER test. Soundararajan, 25, took the Silver Medal in the 800m at the Asian Games in Doha on December 9th, but will likely be stripped of the medal following the results of this test.

I didn’t know there was even such a test. How did it go from doping to trying to hide your sex? And how do these people try and hide it? You can only “tuck” so much, and during a thorough examination, the old MANgina would be unmistakable.

I wonder what tipped off the testing committee. Did they realize something wasn’t right when she went to take the piss test and whipped out a DICK? And better yet, this isn’t the first time this has happened with an Indian athlete. In 1999 a woman on the Indian state football team failed a gender test and was removed.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Happy Burfday Fool


MAMQB Editor-in-Chief and Staff Writer RHINO hiding his blood shot eyes from the
patrons at the MGM Grand during a 3 day bender on Super Bowl Weekend.

Happy Birthday Pal. It's not every day that you get an opportunity to publicly humiliate a friend, so let me take advantage of the opportunity.

We started our causing trouble back in '98 on campus at EIU.

From emergency phone calls requiring hazmat style cleanup efforts to hide evidence of a drunken evening to punches in a pretty Mexican girl’s throat.

After naked parties and sleeping with an inflated black condom on my couch.

From sexy ankles to Jenna the Beer Bong.

...Purple Eyes to skinny little freshmen chicks with poor complexion.

...Topless golfing to the Willie Roll.

...Chubbies to Joeys.

...Nights in K3 to Suited up in Vegas.

...My wedding to yours.

Between Park Place and Baker Apartments.

We've done some damage.

I hope the next years can bring some of the good times the past 8 have.

Enjoy your birthday.

Here's to many more, and if not, may you go with your bride by your side, a smile on your face, and a triple Captain and Sprite in your hand.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

You Can Find Me in The Club....

OK, I was going to let the Tank Johnson story go for a few reasons. First off, I don’t want this Blog to be full of hometown news. (Yes, three of the four writers are right here in the Windy City, with the fourth being born and raised here but now resides in Sunny Florida.) To continually cover stories surrounding local sports teams is not only boring to those who read from around the country but boring for us to write. By the time we get a piece written, the news is already beaten like Whitney after smoking all of Bobby’s Crack. I’m sure no one would have cared to hear my two cents about the Tank Johnson SWAT team raid on his Gurnee home.

BUT…

When I read this afternoon about his BODY GUARD getting’ a cap busted in his ass outside a River North club last night, I knew it was time to chime in. After a fight inside Ice Bar, Willie B. Posey was shot dead around 1:30 Saturday morning. It has been reported Tank Johnson was in the club at the time of the shooting but his involvement, if any, is unknown.

First off, let me pay respects. Rest in peace Willie B. Posey, your 26 short years came to a close to quickly.



With that out of the way, I have to pose the question…what the fuck is Tank’s problem? And before I get into a tirade, let me qualify a few things about my self. I am totally PRO gun. I firmly believe in the constitutional right to bear arms and have no problems whatsoever with owning an arsenal. And I’m not too concerned about the current Marijuana laws. It’s a harmless drug that doesn’t add to crime rates or turn people into zombies like the heavy narcotics Cocaine and Heroin. Shit, if anything it HELPS the economy of the country. Do you really think Doritos, Ben & Jerry’s, Grape Cool-Aid, and Papa John’s Pizza would be do nearly as much business if it weren’t for weed? Not a chance in hell.

That said, if you’re going to have any of the above in your home (in Tank’s case, it was an AR-15 Sniper Rifle, a .223 Assault Rifle, a .308 hunting rifle, a .44 Magnum, a .45 Revolver, and a .50 cal Desert Eagle, and Mr. Posey’s Bag of Smoke.) you can’t be an asshole neighbor. Don’t draw attention to yourself with a whole fuck load of Pitbulls that do nothing but piss off your neighbors. Don’t have parties late into the night. IF YOU CAN’T REFRAIN, BUY A FUCKING HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, NOT IN A HIGH PROFILE SUBDIVISION IN A YUPPIE NEIGHBORHOOD.

It was just these activities that lead the SWAT team to the front door of Mr. Johnson’s home on earlier this week to execute a search warrant that ended in Willie B. Posey’s arrest (possession of Cannabis) and Tank’s arrest for having the cash of weapons without possessing a Fire Arm Owners Identification Card. It was Tank’s third arrest in 18 months.

Now, less than two days later his friend is gunned down in a club after a fight and a verbal exchange. When will it end? What is it going to take for Mr. Johnson to get his head out of his ass where it has apparently been planted for the better part of the last two years?

Lovie Smith, Bears head coach announced that Tank will be sitting out of Sunday’s contest vs. the Tampa Bay Bucks, a decision which was made after Johnson’s arrest but BEFORE the shooting of Posey.

Maybe losing his job as starting tackle on what many consider the best Defensive unit in the game will get Tank Johnson to wake the fuck up. If not I’m sure he can hook up with G-Unit, he’d fit right in.

Keep an eye on the Bears. They may be making a run at the Bengal’s player arrest record which currently stands at eight at press time. Oh, and stay the hell out of Ice Bar.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Dr. Young performs Hester-ectomy

I may be thrown under the bus for this one.

I’ve thought about this all week, and I’ve decided that I’m still undecided about Devin Hester.


Hester leaves the opposition
"Ram-shackled."


We know the kid from Miami is fast, and God forbid I neglect to mention that he now holds the NFL’s season return-for-touchdown record. I got it, I got it…the dude’s a phenom, and I should just shut my cakehole, right?

Wrong.

Do any of you remember Kansas City’s Dante Hall? In 2002, Hall returned 1 kickoff and 2 punts for touchdowns. Then, in 2003, he returned a kickoff or a punt for a touchdown four games in a row—an NFL record. I remember the talk at the time about his prowess on the field, about how he juked so many guys that his on-the-field nickname became “joystick.”

So what’s Dante Hall—the previous kick- and punt-return phenom—doing these days? Well, he’s still adding a few return points a year to the Chiefs scoreboard and he gets pretty good yardage on returns where he doesn’t score. Overall, the two-time Pro Bowler is still a pretty good league receiver. However, people caught onto his return game a few years ago, and have for the most part contained him behind his wedge, and even downfield in the secondary. These days, if Hall and Hester were back to receive, kickers would angle their kick toward the veteran.

Of course, that argument bodes well for Hester. But being the ever skeptical Bears fan, I have to wonder if we’ll get such repeat performances from the rookie after this year. See, to make a name for yourself in the NFL takes hard work, dedication, and knowledge of the game…but above all, the NFL’s most prominent players have one thing in common: Consistency.

Hester’s breakout year has solidified his name next to one NFL record. Personally, I’d like to see him garner a few more while he still sports a Bears jersey, but in order for him to do that, he needs consistency. Since consistency is a direct by-product of performance over time (where the hell did that come from, Einstein?), we all have to wait and see if Hester’s consistency matches the hype.

This raises a question: Who deserves the NFL’s rookie of the year (ROTY) honors? Hester has been a solid contributor to this Bears squad, making an impact nearly every time he touches the ball. But in looking at the big picture, the coveted ROTY award belongs in the hands of the rookie who’s made the most significant contributions to his team over the season, and I can think of no one person who fits the bill on that charge more than Titan rookie QB Vince Young.

Lash out if you must, but here’s the methodology: As a college football fan above anything else, I found it a travesty to see Reggie Bush win the Heisman Trophy last year after the performance that Young gave all season. Bush accounted for 18 Trojan touchdowns in 2005, rushing for 1,740 yards in 200 carries (8.7 ypc). In retrospect, all Young did was more than double the amount of touchdowns Bush put up, delivering 26 through the air and 12 more on the ground. Young tallied 1,050 yards on the ground in 155 carries (6.8ypc). Mind you, this was at the quarterback position.

As the fresh-faced quarterback for this Titans team, I think that Vince Young’s numbers this year are phenomenal. Fifteen total touchdowns (10 in the air, 5 on the ground) with 11 interceptions. More than 1,700 yards passing and 400 yards rushing. Basically, he’s playing at a Michael Vick level. Too bad it took our friend Ron Mexico six years to put up the same numbers that Young is straight out of UT.


Young, the real 2005 Heisman
Trophy winner.

Did I mention that Young didn’t even start the first few games of the season?

Yes, there’s something to be said about consistency. Does Young have it? We’ll know that in the years to come. But there’s also something to be said about immediate and long-term impact, and Young is a brilliant student of the game. He’s calm in the pocket and can stay out of trouble using his legs…unlike a Michael Vick, who falsely believes that he can escape any situation on his feet, only to put his team in a worse spot than before.

What we know now is that Young’s impact as the leader of this Titans offense simply edges out what Hester has done this year for the Bears. Hester will continue to provide the much needed support that the Bears need from their special teams this season, especially when Grossman is busy throwing rainbows to defenders. However, in my opinion, the overall “Team Impact” category clearly belongs to Vince Young. He is the sole Titans’ franchise player—the foundation on which Tennessee can begin to build a Super Bowl caliber team.

As good as Hester is, you can’t build a team around a return man. Don’t believe me? Ask Dante Hall how the Chiefs have fared in their recent Super Bowl battles.

Oh yeah, that’s right. Sorry.

Arguments can be made for other ROTY candidates this year, but don’t get my opinion twisted. I’m not comparing Young to every other deserving NFL rookie here…I’m just trying to make a point.

And that point is, you ask?

Take the defense away from Chicago, and we can all sit back and watch how much of an impact our friend Mr. Hester would have in a Bears playoff run this year.

Can’t think of one? then please don’t waste time putting his name on the ROTY ballot.

(Editor's note -- That said, Rhino still hopes Hester runs back 12 more in the last couple weeks. GO BEARS!)

Barbaro's Coming Home.

No, that home is NOT a glue factory.


Pam Oliver's long lost twin brother is going to be ok afterall.

After spending the better part of the last seven months at the University of Pennsylvania’s New Bolton Center recovering from “life threatening injuries” he sustained at the Preakness, surgeon Dean Richardson has announced it’s time for Barbaro to move on.

"His departure from here depends on many things. In my mind's eye, he can leave in the not so distant future," Richardson said on Wednesday.

Huh. Sounds like this story is going to end up a happy one, right? Typically after an injury of this magnitude the beast is put out of his misery. But in Barbaro’s case, hundreds of thousands of dollars were spent to save him and it looks like the rest of his days will be spent frolicking in the pasture, with an occasional mare thrown his way.

"We haven't asked him at this point to jump a mare. We don't even know yet if the horse is fertile," said Richardson. "That's great if he ends up being a breeding stallion."

Great for all parties involved. Barbaro. The Mare. The Owners of both horses. And the Sport.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Tasty Nuggets


Odell Thurman was the latest Bengal to get arrested the other night for drunk driving. Guess he was just trying to be part of the team.

Steelers linebacker Joey Porter apologized for his "poor choice of words in the comment I made toward (Browns TE/Resident Bigmouth Kellen) Winslow", referring to him calling Winslow a "fag". Sound like a similar story from earlier this summer? Haven't heard nearly as much outcry for this one, have you? I guess negative comments need to be directed toward one of ESPN's lackeys for the network to blow a story way out of proportion.

The Red Sox have reportedly signed Japanese pitching phenom Daisuke Matsuzaka to a 6 year, $52 million contract. This, combined with the $51 million they spent just to talk to him, means that Boston has spent $103 million on a player who has yet to throw a pitch in the majors. The funny thing about this one is earlier this week Boston submitted an offer. Before there was a rejection and counteroffer they came back with this offer. This can only mean one thing: super agent Scott Boras must possess Jedi mind powers to get what he wants, thus negating the need for actually negotiating with his clients.

Does anyone else who has heard Chicago Bears rookie phenom Devin Hester talk wonder if he has had a second job for the past 10 years as the voice of Boomhauer on King of the Hill?

T.O., T.O., T.O. When will you ever learn that the world does not revolve around you? The latest out of the "I love me some me" camp is that he is angry there is a "snitch" in Dallas. Poor T.O. is upset that someone is airing out their dirty laundry in public. He's such a victim. He would never go public with his problems with teammates, right? Just ask Donovan McNabb and Jeff Garcia.

From one former Philly malcontent to another. I'm speaking of course of Allen Iverson. He wants out. His bags are packed, his locker cleaned out. This has been a pretty slow developing story thusfar. But I finally found some humor in it. It has been reported that there are a handful of teams that he could go to, such as Minnesota, Indiana, Golden State, Sacramento, and Denver. So who would know more about the developments of this story than Philly native/ESPN correspondent/Allen Iverson suckass than Stephen A. Smith? When asked on Sportscenter today which of the above teams AI wants to play for he said "Oh, he wants to be on South Beach playing for Miami." Gee, thanks Captain Obvious, I'm really glad that you are getting paid the big bucks to come up with such great inside information, but that was not one of the choices. I'm just gonna guess that way more than half of the league would want to play in Miami, especially since they are the defending champions, and they have the best shot to win it all this year. Hey Stephen, stick to what you are good at: yelling into the TV like you are a car salesman in a commercial for an "everything must go sale". Don't try and impress us with your intelligence, or lack thereof.

This week's Mockery Former Athlete of The Week is former Steelers wideout Louis Lipps. In 1985 he went over 1000 receiving yards with 1134 and catch 12 touchdowns. He was named to the AFC All-Pro team and earned a second trip to the Pro Bowl in just his second year in the league. Plus, you have to love the name.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

"I'm Rich Biaatch!"

Remember those days as a kid when we all dreamed of being a baseball player? You know, an MVP. An All-Star. The World Series hero. I'm here to tell you that we were all shooting way too high. The real money is in being a mediocre baseball player.

Now, first let me state that I am a Whitesox fan. I have been known as somewhat of a pessimist, constantly bitching about Reinsdorf's lack of money spent on free agents. He is now getting blasted for not signing any free agents this offseason, but I for one am glad he hasn't. With the way this offseason is shaping up many teams are mortgaging their future for what? Average and below average players. Remember a few winters ago when MLB owners seemed to have a surplus of money? Players were signed to record deals. A-Rod signed for $125 mil, Manny signed for a little less. These are two of the best players in the game, but because of their contracts teams were weary to make a trade for them. Salaries quickly declined for the next several years. That is, until this year.

People who know me know I do not like the Cubs. I don't like their fans, their circus like ballpark, or pretty much anything else they stand for. But I will admit and give props when they make a good deal. I liked when they traded for Derek Lee. I also liked when they acquired Juan Pierre. And I also felt that the Cezar Izturis trade was smart. But I have to laugh at many of their offseason moves this year.

Just as the Sox have gotten roasted for not signing free agents, Jim Hendry is getting praised for improving his team. He deserves none of this. Anyone can throw a shitload of money at crap and get them to come play for them. Now, like I said, I will give props where they are due. He signed Soriano, the top free agent this year. He gave him way too much money and way too many years, but sometimes that is justifiable when you are getting a prize like Soriano. But his other moves, Yikes! Ted Lilly at 4 years $40 mil?!?! A guy of his caliber is not worth half of that. Aramis Ramirez got signed to a $73 million contract? Sure, he hit homers last year, but where was he when Derek Lee was out? You know, when the team needed him. Nowhere, thats where. Mark DeRosa at just over $4 mil a year? Is he even worth $1 mil a year? I'm going to say no. And last, but definately not least since this may go down as one of the worst signings ever, Jason Marquis at 3 years $21 mil. Come on, I had as many post season appearances as this guy last year, zero. Tony LaRussa and Co. are laughing their asses off at this one. They must love the fact that this pile of cow dung stayed in their division. Guaranteed Cardinal wins in the games Marquis pitches.

Now, the Cubs aren't the only team that is spending money like Paris Hilton does on VD treatment. There are three that really stick out. The first is Kansas City. Gil Meche for $11 mil a year for 5 years? This team is way more than an average pitcher away from from even being respectable. So why spend that kind of dough on one middle of the road pitcher? Who the hell knows.

The second is Boston signing JD Drew. The Killer Virgin signed for 5 years $70 million. Has he even come close to living up to his potential? Hell no! And if I remember correct, the Yankees signed Johnny "The Passion" Damon to a 5 year $55 million contract because Boston (you know, the Cubs of the AL) believed his price tag was too high. Now, honestly, who would you rather have patrolling CF, the Killer Virgin or Jesus Christ? I'm going with Yahweh!

The third is Barry Bonds. This asshole just last week actually carted his roided up ass to the Winter Meetings begging for a contract. Did anyone bite? No way. You would think the Giants would have lowballed him, but they didn't. $16 mil for one year. Outrageous.

There have been many other questionable high priced signings, but does anyone else find it funny that there is one team out there not making a lot of noise: The Yankees? Not me, they are smart to stand pat and do minor tweaking. So are the Sox. In a year or two the bottom will fall out on this seasons signing, teams will be stuck with huge contracts, crying poor, and held hostige by all of this. Unless the Sox were to get Soriano or Zito, I would hope they wouldn't spend that kind of money on crap. Instead, take that money and resign some of your upcoming free agents, make some trades, and just be smart with your payroll. I just have a feeling that most owners are going to get bitten in the ass by all of this, with people like Kenny Williams and Billy Beane laughing their asses off.

To Err is Human...

I’ll admit it. I jumped on the wagon, helped lead the witch hunt. I called for his head. And, it turns out, I may have been wrong.


MAMQB Chief Writer BigWillieStyle sits against the wall
questioning his verbal lashing of Lovie Smith and Rex
Grossman. But could he have been right?

After a week of controversy and speculation, the Chicago Bears took the field with their young QB Rex Grossman at the helm. There had been a massive public outcry for backup Brian Griese by fans and the Chicago Media. But Lovie, sticking to his guns, stayed with the young gunslinger, and it may have been the perfect thing to do.

It seems that the pressure that was put on Grossman by the possibility of losing his starting job may have actually calmed him down. It was evident in his play that, at the very least, it got him to check down.

Does this mean that all is well in the land of the Bear? No. Grossman had a good game. It wasn’t spectacular; it was a model of what the Bears need out of their quarterback – management. With a defense and a special teams (DEVIN HESTER FOR ROOKIE OF THE YEAR) that can almost win a game on their own, Rex needs to manage the clock. Hand the ball off, march downfield, and grind time off the clock. When the time comes, and it always does with that style of offense, take a few shots down field. But first and foremost, DO NOT TURN THE BALL OVER.

Sexy’s got one positive game under his belt. The next two weeks should be confidence builders--with games at home vs. the Bucs and in Detroit vs. the hapless Lions, Rex will have the opportunity to get into a groove before the first playoff game.

...but it might not hurt to keep Griese fresh.

Monday, December 11, 2006

"A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse!"



With the Colts showing no signs of life on run defense, Jacksonville proved that, indeed, you can beat a dead horse. By 27 points.

The Colts can't be shocked at the outcome of yesterday's game. After giving up 375 yards to an opponent's running game, it's doubtful to expect to see a mark in the W column at the end of the day.

Peyton Manning reminds me a lot of my dad, but not so much in the areas of physical stature or pocket presence--though I must admit my dad is the king of fiscal responsibility. I'm talking more about the reaction to what he's helped build, and how quickly it was destroyed by negligence out of his control.

See, my dad once built an end table. It was a thing of beauty: a sturdy, sanded and stained craftsman's dream with a built-in lamp and a magazine rack for his Penn State literature. He spent an entire week creating it in his free time after work, and once it was complete he set it proudly by his TV chair, awaiting the moment where he could set a cold diet Coke on its shiny, varnished surface and catch Saturday's Big Ten game of the week.

It sat there in a state of Yankee Workshop perfection for approximately an hour and a half. It was at that time his eldest son wanted to tell him about that he was going to his friend Mindy's house. With his dad nowehere in sight (probably just finishing sweeping up the garage from the project), his son quickly scrawled the message on a piece of paper. With an ink pen. On the new end table. Which was built with pine. Soft, impressionable pine.

To this day, my dad can still tell me what that note said, as the message endlessly glares up at him from what was once his accomplishment--his pride and joy--and he continues to wonder how something that nice was destroyed so quickly, and without warning.

Now Peyton Manning, the person around whom the entire Colts offense was built, can only watch in horror as his accomplishments on the field are destroyed by a bunch of blundering idiots. At this point in the season, the Colts couldn't stop a run if they were the finish line at the Boston Marathon.

Remember last year? Peyton "the Franchise" Manning almost capped off a perfect season. Hell, remember this year? Peyton "Son of Archie" Manning made yet another run at a perfect season. For the most part, his numbers have been positive, and he captains his team with intensity and pride, willing his offense to score points to keep them in nearly every game.

He is not the problem.

How angry would you be if every concerted effort you made to produce brilliance was complemented with dumbfounded tomfoolery?

The Colts defense simply can not tackle. They may as well slather their arms with bacon grease before games. The problem was noted at the beginning of the year, but efforts to sharpen the run defense have been for naught.

For any football team to have continued success, there are three major goals that must be met:
1. Have an offense that doesn't make mistakes. The Colts offense is pretty solid because of mistake-free play. Ask anyone why Chicago may not make it to the Super Bowl this year and (after yelling about Rex for an hour) they will surmise that, though Rex's name was used, offensive mistakes are killing them.

2. Have solid special teams that can make big plays.
Vinatieri has been accountable this year, and the Colts special teams does what it has to do to stay in games.

3. Stop the run.* (crickets chirping)
With a defense that allows the equivalent of more than .2 miles on the ground, the Colts will not be on the dance floor come February. Peyton Manning will have to sit at home, in his TV chair, watching the Super Bowl. If he only kept the statistics of his team's run defense on his end table, along with a cold diet Coke by his side, he and my dad would really be interchangeable...save for the fact that my father would rather have his testicles eaten by a scavenging gaze of raccoons than root for the Tennessee Volunteers on New Year's Day.

Didn't Cost an Arm & a Leg

The Chicago White Sox have signed middle reliever Mike MacDougal to a 3 year $6.45M deal. The hard throwing Righty came over from the KC Royals in exchange for two minor leaguers.


Sox GM Kenny Williams has an uncanny ability
to retain the players he wants, but only for the
money he wants to pay them. Maybe Cubbie GM
Jim Hendry would take a few lessons from Williams?

Lucky for Sox Fans, Ken Williams was able to get this deal done without having to commit any of the $10M saved by moving Freddy Garcia earlier in the week.

Too bad for MacDougal. If he had been on the Cubs' roster he may have gotten a 5 year $40M deal, seen little work, and been guaranteed to not work into October.

And the Saints Come Marchin' In...

After an angry and destructive bitch named Katrina made landfall on August 29th of last year, the city of New Orleans was left with little hope. Streets were flooded, some so high that only rooftops of the small ranch style homes could be seen. Hundreds of thousands of people found themselves displaced, with out a single personal possession other than the wet clothes on their backs.




Now, some 16 months later, the water has pulled back into the gulf. Some people have come home and tried to piece together what’s left. And for those few trying to rebuild a semblance of life, they have been given a glimmer of hope.

It comes in the form of the New Orleans Saints.

At the start of the season football was an after thought in the Bayou. There was other business to attend to, mainly trying to figure out where to start. But the Saints were quickly thrown into the national media spotlight with a Monday night game just a little more than a year after Katrina pushed inland, in the once wounded Super Dome vs. Atlanta. Stars and stripes flew, men and woman sang and danced in the aisles.

There was a sense of normalcy, a sense of success, and most importantly, a sense of life.

In that game the Saints pounded the Falcons 23-3, moving to 3-0 to start the year.

Fast forward eleven weeks. The 8-4 Saints head to Dallas to face the Red-Hot 8-4 Cowboys who have been taking the league by storm with new QB Tony Romo. This was going to be a huge NFC Sunday night match up. Saints QB Drew Brees had been successful on a weekly basis with a massive aerial assault. Rookie Reggie Bush had made a difference with his explosive play. New Orleans first year Head Coach Sean Payton was an assistant under Dallas’ Bill Parcels. This game had the makings of a monumental contest.

And it was, until the Second Quarter.

With the help of Drew Brees, Payton made short work of his old boss. After falling behind 7-0 in the first quarter, Payton went as far as to call a reverse on 4th and 1, pull off an onside kick with a 35-17 lead in the 3rd, and got virtually every offensive player who was eligible a touch. Brees chucked 5 TD’s and surpassed the 4,000 yard mark for the season.

"We let a lot of people know what we are all about," Brees said.

Yeah, you could say that. At 9-4 the Saints have a 2 game lead over the Falcons in the NFC South. Barring a major injury, these boys from the Bayou may make a big stink in the playoffs.

They’ve been called an inspiration, a positive in a sea of negatives. America’s Team.

Here’s a title that needs to be added: one of the best in the NFL.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Does Lovie Read The Monday AM QB????

Apparently Chicago Bear’s Head Coach Lovie Smith has been reading the Monday AM QB. Sources in Chicago are reporting that Bears backup QB Brian Griese took 50% of the snaps during the Wednesday and Thursday team practices. On Friday Sexy Rexy was with the first team offense for about 60% of the snaps.

Jay Glazer of Fox Sports has reported that regardless of the score, half time of tomorrows MNF showdown in St. Louis may be the end for young Grossman. Rex’s decision making and management will be the major deciding factor. (The thing to watch is the play calling. Will the offense go into a shell and try to pound the ball on the ground? Or will Turner continue to push the ball down field through the air? A more conservative play calling approach will signal reluctance in the coaching staff to make this move. It’d be an easy way to dance around the topic.)

I for one will be the first one to step up and commend Lovie. If Mr. Glazer’s sources are correct, this move would mark the most positive change the Bears have made all season, not to mention one that may be long overdue.

In the same breath, putting this pressure on Rex may be the foot up the ass he’s been in need of. It’s about time the “He’s our guy” talk stopped and the “Do your fucking job or sit your ass down” shouting started. This situation may force Sexy’s “Fuck it and Chuck it” attitude to scale back, forcing him to dump a few underneath passes. Or it may make it worse.

Either way, Lovie has taken a stance. He’s voiced an opinion, and may show the nuts to make a move.

Look for my follow up post after the half tomorrow night.

Thursday, December 7, 2006

He Gone

White Sox GM Ken Williams has announced that Freddy "Cheech" Garcia has been sent to the Phillies in exchange for pitchers Gavin Floyd and Gio Gonzalez. Thirty year old Garcia, 30, was coming off of a 17-9 season and last season pitched well in the playoffs including Game 4 of the World Series. Floyd, a young 23 year old right hander has a career 7-5 record with 6.96 ERA in 24 appearances. Gonzalez a 21 year old lefty, has been identified as the "player to be named later" outlined in the deal.


I'm too stoned to get off my couch. Can you bring me that bag
of Cool Ranch Doritos and a Mountain Dew?

Many fans in Chicago may wake up to this news and ask themselves, "What the hell was Kenny thinking?"

But given market trends (i.e. the Cubs handing Ted Lily a 4 year, $40M deal, which was so stomach turning it sent GM Jim Hendry to the Hospital. Read More Here) did Kenny make this move to free up some money down the road to keep the remainder of his staff in Chicago? Is he trying to free up cash for a big move this winter?

The reasons behind this trade won't come to light for some time. But I for one like it. By making this move, Williams has shown that he's not going to stand pat and rely on the players who lead the Sox to the promised land in '05. He is continuing to make the team younger.

And another thing to remember, Don Cooper is a top notch pitching coach. This Floyd kid has been rumored to have some control problems. Kenny's already come out and said that with some work with Don Cooper; he can correct his delivery problem and get this kid to the next level.

I like the aggressiveness of this move. They did little last off season, with the exception of the Thome deal and it didn't help them repeat. I just hope this move is the start of a big off-season.

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

WTF Were They Thinking?

The Boston Red Sox announced a deal with injury prone super-pussy JD Drew late last night.




Don't get me wrong, I don't refer to Drew as female genitalia due to his frequent injury issues, but for the BULLSHIT he pulled when the Phillies took his sorry ass with the second pick in the 1997 amateur (immature) draft.

Drew threw what would become the first of many hissy fits, refusing to sign for less than $10M and ended up going back into the draft the following year, only to be taken by the Cardinals 5th overall.

The fans in Philadelphia like Mr. Drew so much that upon his debut with the Cards at Philly, fans showered him with Boo's and D-Cell Batteries. It got so bad that umpires had to stop the game for 10 minutes in the eighth inning to have the debris surrounding Drew in the outfield picked up.

Possibly the best part of this story: When all of this went down, Curt Shilling was on the Phillies and was very vocal about his thoughts of young Mr. Drew. The two will be reunited in Bean Town.

Taking all of that into consideration, I’m puzzled why Theo Epstein would hand this prick a 5 year $70,000,000 deal. Not to mention the fact that the BoSox bid $51M just to earn the rights to enter contract negotiations with Daisuke Matsuzaka, and are reportedly close to signing shortstop Julio Lugo to a 4 year $36,000,000 deal.

Does money grow on trees for Mr. Epstein? Where is all of this cash coming from? Could it be the hunger for another World Series Championship this century?

Tuesday, December 5, 2006

The Second Coming?

Could Tony Romo be the Next Troy Aikman?

There's a new sherrif in Dallas, and his name is Tony Romo. On October 29th, Bill "Front Butt" Parcels gave Romo the nod under center vs. the Carolina Panters. Ever since that moment the NFL has been crazy for Romo.

From the rumors that he's bangin' Jessica Simpson (the 4th man speculated to do so, following in the footsteps of Nick Lachey, Dane Cook, and of course, her father, Joe Simpson) to having his name added to the Pro Bowl Ballot, Romo is making a name for himself.



Ex-Panter Tony Romo addresses the EIU Football Team in a recent visit to coach
Spoo. Look closly, you can see he's demonstrating the famed EIU SHOCKER with
his right hand.

The little known Quarterback from Eastern Illinois University (not known for it's football program, but for it's hard drinking underclassmen and uber-hot female coeds) had an illustrious college career. He lead the Panthers to three consecutive NCAA I-AA Playoff's and won the Walter Payton Award in 2002.

Now he's taking the NFL by storm. Thus far in his short career he has been named Offensive Player of the Week, knocked off Payton Manning and the Colts, chucked 5 TD's on Thanksgiving vs. Tampa, and last week engineered a last minute drive to beat the Giants.

ROMO FOR MVP!

Donovan Who??

Many NFL fans wrote the Philadelphia Eagles off when QB Donovan McNabb went down with a torn ACL. Who would have thought that 36 year old Jeff Garcia would have been able to step in and give the Eagles a shot?




Last night on MNF, over the hill ex-9ers QB Garcia lit up the sky, tossing three touchdowns and finishing with 312 yards in the Eagles 27-24 victory over the Panthers. He looked like the Garcia of old under center, calm, poised, ready to strike. He can still scramble. He can still throw the ball on a rope. And he managed not to crap his pants.

Garcia's spirited effort has helped Andy I-Never-Miss-A-Buffet Reid's Eagles stay in the NFC Wild Card Hunt with a 6-6 record tied with Atlanta, Carolina, and New York.

Can this old man keep them afloat?

Upcoming Games: @ Washington, @ Giants, @ Cowboys, vs. Atlanta.

Keep your eye on Garcia. He's going to be the wild card in the Wild Card Race.

He's Our Guy...For Now....Maybe


Chicago Bears Head Coach Lovie Smith pondering
his Quarterback problem.


Chicago - How much longer can Bears' Head Coach Lovie Smith stick with youngster Rex Grossman at Quarterback? In Sunday's win over the division rival Minnesota Vikings, Sexy Rexy (as he's been dubbed by local media) was a dismal 6 of 19 for a total (yes, a TOTAL) of 34 yards. More telling, at one point early in the second half, Grossman had completed as many passes to the Viking's D-Backs as he had his own receivers...3. He finished with zero TD's and 3 Interceptions. I blind drunk Englishman could have done that, and to them people Football is Soccer.

Grossman looked nervous in the pocket, taking too much time and making poor decisions. The calm and cool Rex that fans saw shred the Lions in week two is a far cry from the Rex in we were forced to witness on this early December chiller at Soldier Field.

The "fuck it and chuck it" approach has been killing the young stud as of late. His numbers have been on a steady decline since the start of the season. Take a peek:

September (3 Games)
61/94 64.9 Completion % 829 Yards 6TD 3INT 100.9 Passer Rating

October (4 Games)
69/124 55.6 Completion % 810 Yards 7TD 4INT 81.0 Passer Rating

November (4 Games)
62/128 48.4 Completion % 751 Yards 5TD 7INT 57.1 Passer Rating

December (1 Game)
6/19 31.6 Completion % 34 Yards 0TD 3INT 1.3 Passer Rating

How much longer can Dusty Bak...errr I mean Lovie Smith stick with Grossman? Will he march this kid onto the field in the playoffs and let him launch the ball downfield at imaginary open men? Can Lovie stand by and listen to all of Chicagoland CLAMORING for Brian Griese? Is he willing to lose his job over a poor Quarterback that he refuses to bench?

Luckily for Rex & Lovie, the Bears have a Defense that will punch another team square in the nuts. The other side of the ball is playing like crazed dogs, swarming, tearing the pigskin out of the hands of any would-be back and running the other way.

Not to mention the special teams and a rookie return specialist by the name of Devin Hester (could this be who Nostradamus was referring to when he wrote, "Beasts wild with hunger will cross the rivers. The greater part of the battlefield will be against Hister." Maybe he wasn't writing about Adolph Hitler as previously thought???) who has recaptured the spirit of Dante' Hall and Deion Sanders with 3 impressive punt returns and a 103 yard missed field goal return. He's single handedly saved the Bears' ass more than once.

Regardless of how they're winning right now, they're winning, which is fine in the regular season. The Bears continue to be offensively challenged, thus making them the Best Shitty team in the NFC. (The Colts hold that title in the AFC, but for the opposite reason, their defense.) The world will have to wait until Monday to see what Grossman comes up with next. He should be able to get some serious air under the ball in a dome, so at least his interceptions will give St. Louis the same field they would have gotten on a punt.