My Dear F'ing Lord It Has Been a While...

But we're back.

I know everyone has been clamoring for some more of our off key humor, our stupid dick jokes, and our undying ability to bitch and complain about virtually EVERYTHING.

I'd like to kick off the season with some picks. Since we were so good last season, I will preface this by saying if you're a betting man, take the exact opposite of every game I suggest...

NY Giants @ Redskins
Skins -4

The Giants might be the worst unit in the NFL. Their Defense has given up an average of 40 points a game this season. That'd be a great number if we were talking about the Knicks. Not to mention I think Eli Manning is a colossal Vag.

That's the hottest piece of snooch Eli's ever had his small gay hands on...

Skins 28-6


Panthers @ Falcons
Panthers -4

This one's in a Dome. Jake Delhomme and Steve Smith are going to have career days against a Falcons Defense that has been somewhat stingy so far this season, only allowing 18.5 points per game. Unfortunately for the Falcons, their Offense has been dismal, scoring a total of 10 points in two games this season.

Panthers 31 - 10


Bengals @ Seahawks
OVER 50

Both teams should be able to score at will. This one is going to play over by a minimum of 10 points.

Bengals 35-31


49ers @ Steelers
Steelers -9
Pittsburgh is averaging 30 points a game while only giving up 5. Even by my math, that's a very good situation to be in.


This chick is our friend on MySpace. She's super hot and a Steelers fan. That's enough reason for me...

Steelers 24 - 9


Bills @ Patriots
Pats -17

Tom Brady and the Pats will move to 3-0 on the season with an easy win against Buffalo at home. Buffalo has managed to average 8.5 points per game, while the Patriots have scored 38 in two consecutive games while only allowing an average of 14 points against and 56 yards rushing in the same span.

Then Brady goes home to that.

Pats 38-10

Vikings @ Chiefs
Vikings +3

Ah, the Chiefs. A team that could give the Giants a run for their money. Kansas City has scored 13 points....all season.

There's nothing more to say here. I'm as sure of this game as I am that Dane Cook's a dousche bag, Barry Bonds is a cheat, and Wayne Brady is a white.

And let me go on record as the first person to plead the case for Brody Croyle's wife's Marvelous Cans to be named the starting QB of the Chiefs....

Vikings 28-12