Miami SUCKS

The story broke early this week. Its effects on would-be fans from around the country will be monumental. Bears’ and Colts’ fans planning on heading down to south Florida without tickets, but with dreams of a parking lot post game bash are in for a rude awakening.

"There is no tailgating allowed in the Dolphin Stadium parking lots," Sue Jaquez, a member of the Super Bowl XLI Host Committee, confirmed on Tuesday. "And there is no tailgating anywhere within a one-mile radius of the stadium."

What? Don’t they know who they’re dealing with? Bears fans are notorious for their professional pre-game tailgating rituals. When I head this news I didn’t believe it and had to hear it from the horses mouth myself.

I called, emailed, faxed, and even wrote the people at the Super Bowl XLI Host Committee.

Finally, this afternoon I got a human voice on the other end.

“Hello. Thank you for calling the Super Bowl XLI Host Committee. How may I help you?”

“Good afternoon. I’m one of the lucky few who managed to get tickets to the big game and I’ve got a few questions. I’m bringing a group of employees and associates to the game and I’m concerned with a few things.” (I was lying my ass off.)

“Well sir, you can visit our website at…”

“I’ve been on your website.” I quickly changed my tone from inquisitive to aggressive. “Your website hasn’t answered my biggest question. Chicago media sources are reporting that tailgating is prohibited within one mile of Dolphin Stadium. This can’t be true?”

“Yes, it is sir. We’ve…”

“Who made this decision? I need a name and a phone number. Do you understand what a mistake you’re making?”

“Sir, I’m sorry. Can I be of any further assistance this evening?”

“No. Thank you for your time. Have a wonderful time at your lame ass game.”

I slammed the phone down in disbelief. This couldn’t be true. I was still in shock. Whose idea of a sick joke was this? After all, this is the SUPER BOWL, not the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. It’s football.

Maybe I’m wrong here, but wouldn’t a city want to capitalize on each and every financial benefit this game could bring? I don’t know, maybe they could generate a few dollars by actually placing beer vendors at every street corner within walking distance of the stadium? I’m quite sure they wouldn’t LOSE money on the deal.

Could it be the fact that the average Joe who attends regular season games and arrives five hours before kickoff to tailgate can’t afford tickets to the Super Bowl? That the game has become such a corporate spectacle that the only people who can afford to attend are the rich, famous, or connected…not the typical football fan?

Regardless of the reasoning, two things are very evident. The NFL has propped its championship game on such a pedestal that they have essentially thumbed their noses at the average fan. And that the Super Bowl XLI Host Committee, the City of Miami, and the old crow that had the final say in this situation is out of touch.

So think twice before heading to Miami without tickets…you’ll most likely end up watching the game in a bar, and you could do that at home.