Super Bowl Report, Part III

A few hours later I found myself wondering down the strip clutching the tickets I had from the Sports Book. I was sad, depressed, let down, confused, hurt, and frustrated.

How did this happen?

How did the Bears manage to let that homo Peyton Manning beat them?

What happened to our vicious Defense?

What the fuck is up with Rex?

I tossed the $500 worth of paper into the night sky and kept walking.

“Fucking losers,” I said softly to my companion. “I can’t believe it.”

Just then a group of Colts fans passed by screaming and jumping on each other.

“That was supposed to be us,” he said.

As we walked I kept replaying the game. The first quarter we looked like all stars, like there was no way that the Colts could touch us. Then everything went to hell. The Bears team that took the field in the second half couldn’t have been the same group of guys. I think the band beat them with their tubas and trombones in the locker room and took their uniforms. It was a pathetic showing.

They had managed to embarrass them selves, their coaches, and the entire City of Chicago.

And I wanted to point a finger so badly, but couldn’t find a distinct place to direct it.

Grossman played like shit…like he did for the majority of the second half of the season. He botched two snaps, threw two lame duck passes that were easy pick offs. The kid continued to make bad decisions and showed the world that he doesn’t have IT. Yes, I know even some of the very greatest quarterbacks in the history of the game have had some dismal first seasons, and by rights, this is Rex’s first season, but they all had something that Rex doesn’t. They all showed a glimmer of hope, that they understand the game and how to play it. Grossman didn’t show it all season, and without a doubt, didn’t even come close in the Super Bowl. He looked like a deer in headlights in the pocket, refused to scramble, threw terrible passes, and over all made some horrible decisions.

But the offensive line couldn’t block anyone. And Ron Turner made some questionable calls.

And the great Bears defense? How about stopping the Colts on a 3rd and 8? They gave Peyton Manning every pass underneath to defend the deep ball, and he picked them apart. They never made a single adjustment. Never got any pressure on Manning. Tackled like shit.

By the time we got back to the hotel, I had pegged my scapegoat.

Lovie Smith.

Yes, I had blamed this loss on the head coach. He stood by and watched this game get away from his team. He didn’t react to anything Indy did as a unit, didn’t change one aspect of his game. He looked like Dusty Baker on the sidelines.

I was so pissed off and still hung over from the night before I headed back to the room. Before I knew it we were both sleeping. It was 9:30 pm.

Super Bowl Report, Part II

I’ll spare you the graphic details of the following morning. I will however put it to you like this; my stomach felt as if it contained two wolverines that were in the midst of some instinctive mating ritual where males battle to the death for the right to impregnate the female. And my head felt like one of Bonham’s drums, the pounding was constant and even had a rhythm you could tap your foot to.

I woke around noon to my room mate walking through the door and announcing there was a lengthy line at the Sports Book. He was counting his tickets.

I quickly showered and headed downstairs to place my bets, but when I entered the Book the manager came over the speaker announcing the system was down.

“Ah Fuck!” The short, fat man in front of me announced. He was wearing a Colts’ jersey.

“Easy pal,” I assured him. “There’s still plenty of time for you to place your losing bet. Your boys are going down. I hate your quarterback, and so does eveyone else outside of Indy. He looks like a Special.”

“Get fucked, buddy” he replied with a smile.

Before our conversation could get carried away the speakers boomed once again, with the manager announcing the system was back up.

I approached the big haired lady behind the counter and announced my bets, peeling off a handful of crisp, clean, fresh $100 bills.

“Good luck sir,” she said as she handed me my tickets.

“Don’t need it lady, this one’s a sure thing.”

___________________________________

Twenty minutes later we were in the Colosseum Ballroom at Caesars. There were projection screens on every wall, tables of 10 everywhere, a buffet spread lining the room, and a sports book at the entry way just incase you needed to place a last minute bet. We met up with our group, the same people we had met the previous evening for dinner, and discussed who placed what bets.

“I got Hester 5 to 1 to return a kickoff or a punt,” one of them boasted as he passed the ticket my way.

“Not a bad bet, but the real money is Hester to score the first touchdown of the game. It’s 50 to 1 right now,” I explained.

“That’s a sucker bet. He’ll take one to the house, but there’s no way he scores first.”

I smiled, “We’ll see.”

We made small talk for an hour or so, sharing our stories about the first night in town, eagerly awaiting kickoff. Time flew by. I scanned the room to see it was chock full of Bears fans. I only saw one Peyton Manning jersey. This was a Chicago crowd. This was Chicago’s game.

Billy Joel’s rendition of the nation anthem went under the time Vegas set for one of their most outrageous prop-bets. It was time for kickoff.

The room blew up when the Bears won the toss.

“Looks like a few people got dough on Hester. This could be interesting.”

A few short seconds later I found myself jumping up and down on my chair screaming at the top of my lungs. People were cheering, jumping out of their seats, high-fiving. He was going to do it. 30. 20. 10.

“HOLY FUCK!” I was screaming. “NO FUCKING WAY!”

This was it. The Bears made a statement on the very first play. This game was going to be a landslide reminiscent of Super Bowl XX. I was sure I would be collecting just over $1200 in a few short hours.

Unbeknownst to me….

Superbowl Report Pt. 1

Ah…breathe deep. Suck it in.

It’s good to be back home, in the cold, where it takes two hours to travel a distance no greater than forty miles on a Tuesday afternoon.

Where thirty car pile ups snarl expressways for hours.

It’s nice to have two feet planted on terra firma after the pilot announced yesterday, after spending nearly twenty minutes in what the airlines call a “holding pattern” (which sounds much better than “hovering over Lake Michigan until we nearly run out of fuel and have to make a decision”) that we were going to “try and land” at Midway. He even went as far as announcing that in winter conditions like the Chicagoland was experiencing yesterday (Feb. 6, 2007) that the standard practice was to “come down hard” and “stop harder” which left me uneasy in my seat.

Yup, welcome back…

After three days in sunny Las Vegas, eN Vee, I have returned a different man.

While most major Sporting News agencies and even a few fellow Bloggers (Kissing Suzy Kolber, Deadspin, With Leather) sent representatives to South Florida (has it struck anyone else strange that they refused to refer to the City of Miami by name?) The Monday AM QB decided it would be a good experiment to buck the trend and send me to Vegas. Here’s what I remember………..

Saturday February 3, 2007.
Day started with a Bloody Mary and a fat sandwich from Pot Belly. There were Bears fans everywhere at Midway International. Chicago was abuzz with Super Bowl Dreams. I sat and spoke football with my travel companion. We were both feeling the same…IF the Bears show up and play, they have a chance. The ‘experts’ were off base. Good for Rex for telling that reporter to suck his ass.

The flight was quick…at least it is when you’re snoring your ass off for the majority of the trip. I woke up shortly before final decent into Vegas. A flight attendant came over the speaker telling everyone to take a dollar out and write their seat number on it. He cracked some smart ass joke that he only laughed at.

“You’re all gonna lose money when you land anyways, might as well have a shot at a winner.”

He was a prick. The cash ended up going to someone a few rows back. The frugal fucks actually wrote two seat numbers on one bill.

“Good for them,” I thought to myself. “That’s more money then those two fuckers brought for their whole trip.”

Shortly after the excitement we were on the ground and deplaning. Our bags showed up rather quickly and we hopped a cab to our casino.

Due to some good planning by my part, we had exactly two hours to check in, change into suits, and head to Caesar’s Palace to meet some associates for drinks and dinner before heading to a Comedy Show at the Mirage at 10:30. I had managed to plan it so I wouldn’t be able to gamble away a single dollar before midnight at the earliest.

Little did I know…

We got lost walking in the Forum Shops at Caesars. Then the people we were meeting were late and even though we had dinner reservations we waited an hour to be seated. The opening act at the comedy show was 100 times better than the headliner but got 1/3 the stage time. He wasn't by any means BAD, but the opener kicked his ass.

I won't share his name with the world, but I'll give you this as a hint...His TV Wife...

By the time we got back to our room to put on some street clothes, I was hammered. I had my heart set on hitting the Sports Book and making a few wagers on the Big Game, but instead grabbed a seat at a Blackjack table. This was sometime around midnight.

My associate busted out and headed to bed around three o’clock in the morning. He was just as drunk as I was, mixing a slew of various liquors over the course of the day. But I was determined to stay up, take the joint’s money, and party with my new friends at the table.

There was Tony Blair, a young black man from London. He talked just like Basher from Oceans 11. He was with his cute wife, an Indian woman also with an English accent. I quickly dubbed her Bend it Like Beckham.

“Can you do me one favor?” I was looking her dead in the face smiling ear to ear, trying not to laugh.

“Sure, what is it you wish?” She had a sheepish grin, but she had been drinking a glass of Pinot Grigio every time the waitress came around, so she was a little tipsy also.

“Repeat this sentence. Hello, welcome to Jumbo Mart.”

Reluctantly, she uttered the words, confused, unsure of my intentions.

The dealer and I started laughing hysterically. Evidently he was a fan of E.R. too.

We gambled for hours, drinking heavily, winning, losing, and shooting the shit. They were on a 4 day layover before heading to Australia for his new job. And Better yet, they were completely oblivious to the high light of the weekend.

“Where you guys watching the Superbowl tomorrow?” I was making small talk. We were running out of topics.

“Waaaaas dat ‘mate,” he looked confused.

“You know, the Superbowl. Football. American Football. Helmets and pads and high speed collisions”

“Ah, we don’t give a minute to that game ‘mate.” He was laughing. “It’s not something we follow. It’d be like me asking you if you were taking in today’s Cricket Match, now wouldn’t it?”

He had a point. To the rest of the world, football is Soccer. And here in America, Soccer is something kids play, not a professional sport followed by virtually everyone with a pulse. It’s strange to look at a sport that means so much to our culture in the eyes of someone who knows nothing about it. Here’s this kid from England in Las Vegas on a HUGE sporting weekend in America, and he has no clue.

We sat and talked a while about the strangeness of the whole thing. Eventually he busted out and headed off. I sat and played for a while until a strange man came over and sat right next to me. There were four other open chairs, but he sat close by and talked even closer.
I quickly learned he had been at the casino for a week. He was moving from Tucson to LA to become an actor.

“That’s thinking outside the box,” I quipped. The dude was creeping me out.

After a few hours he finally leaned in and asked, “So, are you holdin’ man?”

I knew now what his M.O. was.

“No man, I’m not ‘holdin’ shit. First off, I’m no addict. Second off, I flew in from Chicago, so even if I was how the hell am I supposta get shit through security?”

“Well I got a joint if you wanna come up and smoke a bit and catch some breakfast in a while. You’ll smoke a little won’t you man?”

He was giving off the creepiest vibe I’ve ever felt in my life. He seemed like a normal fella, but something about him was fucked.

“No thanks man. I’m gonna go up in a bit and pass out. I’ve been at this since midnight and I’ve been drinking since this afternoon. I really need to catch a few winks.”

“Alright man, that’s cool. I’m gonna hit the bathroom, think about it. I’ll be back in a minute.”

He got up and walked away. I practically threw my chips at the dealer.

“Color me up. I’ve had enough.”

He knew I wanted to get the hell out of there and quickly handed me my chips.

“Have a good evening sir,” I said to the pit boss as I walked away, flipping a $100 chip on the table.

“Mr. B, its 7:30 am, so the correct term would be ‘have a nice morning or nice day’ not good evening,” he was busting balls still.

Earlier in the night he mentioned he was from Detroit and was picking Indy to win the Superbowl. I was getting a little more vocal, and I always try and bend a pit boss’ ear. You want them to remember your face, but not necessarily your name.

“You’re from Detroit, what the hell do you know about football? Your team couldn’t beat themselves. Your GM is certifiably retarded. Marty Morningwig was your coach for chrissake. And YOU’RE telling me about football? HA!”

I strolled over to the elevators, looking over my shoulder the entire way. As I stepped through the doors and put my key card in the reader to be whisked away to the 35th floor, I had visions of getting all pissed to the sheets with that guy, heading up to his room, and waking up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidney missing.

In my old age I was starting to make wise decisions. And with one colorful chip in my pocket worth the initial $1,000 I had started the session with over seven hours prior, I knew I was going to make some wise decisions in the Sports Book the next morning.

After all, in six hours my Chicago Bears were going to win the Super Bowl.

Calm Before the Storm

So here we are on the eve of Super Bowl XLI. I'm waiting to hop a plane to Vegas and reading what all the 'big boys' have to say about the game. I've gotta say, based on what I'm reading, there's no way the Bears can win this game. And that's the very reason why they will.

All the major sports media outlets are clinging strongly to Peyton Manning's nuts.

The Headline on CBSSportsline.com reads, 'He's the Man' with a picture of Peyton in a classic pose, audibling out of a play.

Yahoo Sports is running a story about Dan Marino's deep running love for Peyton Manning, whom is has been going to dinner with in Miami and giving pointers.

ESPN.com features a shot of Manning and Urlacher and breaks down how either can swing the game.

But there's one source propping the other QB up on a pedestal. FoxSports.com is giving Rex Grossman some love sighting the Florida Gators dominance in all sports over the last year.

I for one am sick of hearing about Peyton Manning. I truly hope in my heart of hearts that the Bears 'D' kicks the living hell out of him, making Sunday the longest day of his life.

Everyone loves the underdog, but I'm not so sure the Bears should be the 'dog in this game.

More tomorrow.

I'm Not Sayin', I'm Just Sayin'....

Since I'm the one who always labels my posts 'Manning Sucks' I thought it was fitting to share this picture I was emailed this morning.

Barack's Super Bowl Musings

It’s the start of Super Bowl week and I couldn’t think of a better way to break down next Sundays’ game than through the eyes of Illinois Senator Barack Obama.

The young Senator has recently announced his intentions of seeking the Democratic nomination in the 2008 Presidential Election, and I for one hope he gets it. As a young Republican, I must say I have been completely let down by Bush V2.0 and have lost faith in the party all together. I feel like the college girl who wakes up in a boy’s apartment after a drunken tryst and can’t find her underwear. I’ve been taken advantage of, and I don’t like it. Unless Giuliani runs, Barack is getting my vote...

But I digress. Barack is the hottest thing in Illinois politics since Governor Ryan’s drivers license scheme opened the over-the-road trucking profession to hundreds of would-be morons who couldn’t handle a Yugo let alone a Big Rig.

And to make things even more interesting, at least for our purposes, he also happens to be a Bears fan. So on this day, a mere 150 hours from the biggest moment in Lovie Smith’s career, we enter the head of Barack Obama.

Barack on Lovie Smith:

"Dick Juron. What a fuckin' moron. This shit is easy."

Barack’s proud of Lovie. He’s taken a 5-11 team and turned them into Super Bowl contenders in 3 seasons. Barack can see the parallels between Dick Juron and George Bush, and plans on using Lovie’s model for immediate improvement if and when elected to the White House. Added Bonus: Lovie has a White Wife.

Barack on Brian Urlacher:

"Honey, take that man for all you can sister!"

Barack sees the Bears MLB for what he is; fast, vicious, a master of the trade. He also knows of ‘Lach’s taste for young black women, but Barack doesn’t mind sparing a few of his Nubian Princesses’ for the cause.

"We did it in an alley behind Gino's East. It was HOT."

But in the same breath, he mounted Paris Hilton, and that's just gross. Still, Barack respects Urlacher for being a true swordsman.

Barack on Rex Grossman:

"Block that guy right there or I'll have to come up with a clever exuse."

Obama loves Grossman’s confidence. Throw 3 interceptions in a game? Tell the media you’ll do better. Have a ZERO passer rating? Say you made some bad choices. Barack can see how this can be used in his political career.

Barack on Thomas Jones:

"Shit. Tank Johnson ain't no Gangsta. I'm Gangsta."

Obama enjoys watching Jones hit the hole and sprint down field. While he may not be the second coming of Walter Payton, Barack believes Jones is a nice fit for the offense, but he’s concerned with that tattoo on his neck. Could he be a gang banger?

Barack on Peyton Manning:

"I like Black People. See."

It’s obvious to Barack that anyone with such a southern drawl must be a republican, a member of the confederacy, and or a descendent of slave owners. While Peyton may understand the game of football, Barack hopes God has mercy on his soul.

Barack on Tony Dungy:

"That little fucker better listen to me next weekened or I'ma smack the taste outta Archie's mouth."

Obama respects Dungy because Lovie does. He’s happy to see another black man in the position Dungy has found himself in, but deep down has a burning hatred for him. Barack is perturbed by the number of times Peyton has disregarded his coach on 4th down and short, waved off the punt team, and went for the first down. Barack knows that Tony has to stand up to his young white QB and if need be, ‘smack a ho.’

Barack on Super Bowl XLI:
Simple. Bears 32 – Colts 24

NFL Playoffs 2007 –Super Bowl XLI – A Guide to Getting Paid

Going into the Conference Championship round I was down $90. I made some bold predictions and in the end, came out ahead.

Here’s a breakdown of last weekend’s action:

$200 Chicago -1/Over 43 (Parlay) +$540
$200 Over 43 (Bears/Saints) +$200
$100 New England +3 -$110
$100 Under 47.5 (Pats/Colts) -$110
$100 NE+3/Under 47.5 (Parlay) -$110

So as it stands, going into Super Bowl Weekend, I’m up $420. Not bad, almost 50% increase.

I will start my Super Bowl pick by letting you all in on a little secret.

I’m going to Vegas for the game. It’s the third time I’ve done this, and historically, I’m 50%. The only time I actually collected on a Super Bowl bet was back in 2003 for Super Bowl XXXVII when Tampa Bay beat the Raiders up and down the field. I hit a parlay, and the initial feeling was like seeing a girl naked for the first time…I was hooked. The next year I took The Patriots, who won the game but didn’t cover.

This year I’m looking to make a statement and move to 2 for 3.

SUPER BOWL XLI – CHICAGO BEARS vs. INDIANAPOLIS COLTS
EARLY LINE: COLTS -7 O/U 48.5

This game hits close to home. Growing up in a suburb of Chicago, I’ve been two things my entire life: a Bears fan and a White Sox fan. In 2005 I got to witness, first hand, the joy of a baseball team winning a World Series and the difference it can make in someone’s life. It was a joyous moment for the City of Chicago and the fans. But there’s one thing about Chicago that outsiders may not comprehend…Nothing can compare to a Bears Super Bowl win. The World Series was a big deal, but you have to remember, this is a City with TWO baseball teams. You’ve got two very different groups of people rooting for two very different teams. In essence, it’s a City divided.

But EVERYONE loves the Bears. EVERYONE. A Super Bowl XLI win could quite possibly SHUT CHICAGO DOWN. I for one want to see it happen…people marching down the Dan Ryan in controlled chaos, Mayor Daley making February 4th a state wide holiday, Jay Mariotti getting lynched and hug from the antennae of the Sears Tower, Chris Farley’s body exhumed for one more episode of Bill Swerski’s Super Fans, Jim Belushi dropping dead of a heart attack…it’d be a great day in the history of the City.

But enough of that gibberish…time to break this one down.

THE NUMBERS:
The Bears and the Colts have played seven games since Super Bowl XX, and the Bears have won six of them.

Indy’s regular season losses came at the hands of Dallas, Tennessee, Jacksonville, and Houston. The Bears were beat by Miami, New England, and Green Bay.

On the road to the Super Bowl the Colts have beaten Kansas City, Baltimore, and New England. The Bears have defeated Seattle and New Orleans.

All the trends point to this game playing OVER, however the Bears Defense has stepped up their game and with the exception of the New England game the Colt’s D has been stellar in the playoffs.

In the first three playoff appearances, Peyton Manning has thrown 2 TD’s and 6 INT’s. Rex Grossman has thrown 2 TD’s and 1 INT.

Speaking of turnovers, the Bears are +3 in the Giveaway/Takeaway column.

By the numbers, the Colts Defense has been the best in the playoffs, allowing 229 yards/game while holding opponents to a 22.2% Third Down Success Rate, and a meager 16 points per game. But they have been the most penalized with 16 flags for 115 yards.

The Bears Defense is ranked seventh, allowing 340.5 yards/game with a 35.7% Third Down Success Rate, and only 19 points per game. The unit has been flagged 11 times for 63 yards.

AND by the numbers, these two teams match up well offensively. The Colts are ranked #2 in the playoffs and the Bears #3.

The Colts, 383 yards/game, 47% Third Down, 10 penalties for 91 yards, 25 points/game played (3) came to life last weekend after falling behind 21-3 to Tom Brady and the Patriots.

The Bears, 355 yards/game, 30.6% Third Down, 6 penalties for 45 yards, 33 points/game played (2) have been feeding opponents a steady diet of Thomas Jones and Cedric Benson to set up Rex Grossman for the deep ball.

Those are the numbers of this whole thing.

But when one steps back to analyze this game there are a few match ups to consider.

Peyton Manning vs. Brian Urlacher.
Both are great football minds. Both are young players whose names have been mentioned with the all time greats of the sport. Peyton is the field general of the offense, Brian is the master of the defense. These two are going to toy with each other all game, but in the end I think Urlacher will get the best of Peyton.

John Tait vs. Dwight Freeney.
John Tait has been great at left tackle all season for the Bears. But he faces Freeney whose numbers (29 tackles, 5.5 sacks, 4 forced fumbles) speak for themselves.

Devin Hester vs. Colts Special Teams.
New England’s return man Ellis Hobbs had a great day against the Colt’s weak kick coverage, and Hobbs is by no means the ‘Windy City Flier.’ Hester might be able to break one in the biggest game of his career.

Cedric Benson vs. Colts Defense.
Benson has been used effectively in the first two playoff games as a human battering ram. The man runs north and south, usually right at would be tacklers, and more often than not, over them. He’s been able to soften the Defense and give Thomas Jones the ability to run wild. These two make a perfect one-two punch.

Marvin Harrison/Reggie Wayne vs. Charles Tillman.
‘Peanut’ Tillman has been picked on in every game this post season. Quarterbacks know to stay away from Nathan Vasher, so Tillman ends up being exploited. Tillman was the man who was three steps behind Steve Smith in the 2005 NFC playoff game, when Smith racked up over 200 yards receiving.

Colts Offensive Line vs. Bears Defensive Line.
With the loss of Tommie Harris the Bears D-Line had been lacking pressure on the Quarterback, until last week against the #1 offense in the NFL. But with legal troubles potentially keeping Tank Johnson in the state of Illinois for the Super Bowl, the Bears may need to find another source of pressure. It’s a known that Blitzing Defenses get CARVED UP by Peyton Manning, so the D Line must get pressure.

That’s a lot to digest.

Bottom line:
I’m taking the Bears and the points. I personally don’t think that any team can beat the Bears if they play the way they did last week. Yes, Peyton lead is team to a huge come from behind victory against his arch rival Tom Brady. But I think the Bears are too much to handle.

And I’ve said it for three straight weeks and been wrong every time…Peyton Manning will lose.

This time it’s nice to know that loss will come at the hands of My Chicago Bears.

BEARS +7, UNDER 48.5

An Open Letter to Tom Brady (WARNING: Satire Ahead)

Fuck you Tom. Fuck you right in the mouth. Fuck you like a skinny white boy in a state penitentiary.

Yup. I’m done with you fella. Once upon a time I stood by your side, defended you to the critics who hated, praised your abilities and knowledge of the game. Once upon a time you even inspired me to be an over achiever, just like you.

But not any more. Now I see you for what you are…a worthless, no good, piece of cow shit.

What has brought on this tirade? Why have you lost a loyal fan?

Because you could not complete one easy task. One thing I’ve been predicting for three straight weeks, and I truly though you were my man.

I guess I was wrong.

Why did you let me down Tom? Is Peyton really that good? You couldn’t get the job done. Now I’ve got to deal with this prick in the Super Bowl against my beloved Bears.

Was is Giselle?



















I know that’s one primo piece of pie, but come on man…do you really want the kid from Titanic’s sloppy seconds?

Was it Belichick?

Have you had enough of him? It’s the sleeves on the sweatshirt thing, isn’t it? I can almost understand.

Was it Reche Caldwell?

He couldn’t catch syphilis in a whore house.

What ever it was, I’m not listening to your bullshit excuse. You’re supposed to be the Ace #1 Top Dog King Dick in the game, and you end up making me look like a fucking moron.

I thought I could count on you Tom.

Learned an important lesson last night...if you need something done, you must do it your self. That said, I'm going to have to rely on THE BEARS to stop Manning.

Have fun in the off season…douche bag.

PS: I HOPE THIS FUCKING HURT LIKE SHIT

NFL Playoffs 2007 –Conference Championships– A Guide to Getting Paid

"The subject of gambling is all encompassing. It combines man's natural play instinct with his desire to know about his fate and his future." - Franz Rosenthal

Well, 1 for 4 on Wild Card Weekend left me $240 in the hole. I was sure I had week two in the bag.

I went 2-2. I’ll take it. Thanks to a parlay, I’m back in the saddle.

$100 Seattle +8.5, Over 37 (Parlay) RESULT +$270
$100 Baltimore -4 RESULT -$110
$100 Saints -6, Over 48 (Parlay) RESULT -$110
$100 Patriots +4.5 RESULT +$100

So after the second playoff weekend, I find myself with $910 of my starting $1000 bank roll. Not too bad. I had some action, just missed a few bets.

Now we’re down to the Championship round. This is where we separate the men from the boys. Where we start making some real money.

NEW ORLEANS SAINTS @ CHICAGO BEARS (BEARS -1, o/u 43)

There’s a lot to be said about the Bears. As a team, they show flashes of potential that suggest they can win it all. Yes, there are holes in the secondary. Yes, the defensive line has a few injuries. Yes, they couldn’t HOLD the lead last weekend. Yes, Rex Grossman’s decision making has been poor at times.

But they keep winning. The Bears manage to make a big play when it’s needed. This team’s got heart. They’re pesky, refusing to go away when they’re at their lowest point.

Add to that home field advantage. Yes, we’ve all heard about the weather factor, that New Orleans is going to shiver to death on the sidelines and we’ll win the game by default. I’ve stated my case on that subject, you all know where I stand. It’s going make a difference, but not enough to swing the game.

This game is going to come down to a few simple factors. The Bears defense HAS to stop Deuce AND get pressure on Drew Brees. If New Orleans can get their run game going and start to set up the passing game, look out.

On offense, the Bears need to hold onto the ball for as long as possible to keep Brees & Co. off the field. That means a steady dose of Jones and Benson. Yes, BOTH OF THEM.

It’s also known that the Saint’s secondary is shaky. By getting the run established early, Rex (The Sex Machine) Grossman will be able to take a few shots deep down field.

*STATS of INTEREST* – The Saints had the second lowest number of takeaways in the NFL during the regular season, 19.

Five of the last SEVEN #1 NFC Seeds made it to the Super Bowl.

I think the Bears will get the lead early and hold on for the win.

Chicago -1, OVER 43

NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS @ INDIANAPOLIS COLTS (COLTS -3, o/u 47.5)

Haven’t we seen this whole song and dance before?

One thing to say: Four Super Bowl appearances in the last Six Years.

While Brady and the Pat’s were given the opportunity to stay in the game last week vs. the Chargers, I’m not so sure they’ll have that chance this weekend.

The Colt’s defense is playing much, much better than they have in past years. They’ve only allowed 14 points TOTAL in the first to playoff games. But in the same breath, the offense of KC and Baltimore looked like shit in both games. This go ‘round, they’ll face Brady.

Brady, who looked off his game last week in San Diego, will be ready this week. For one, it’s going to be played in Indy, which means DOME. I’m sure the Pat’s will enjoy the controlled environment as opposed to the blowing snow and frigid temps at the ‘Fox. And based on past years that the Patriots have walked over Indy to get to the Super Bowl, I’m going to go out on a limb and say Brady loves making Peyton his bitch.

Peyton Manning has been off his game in a big way. He’s thrown 1 TD and 5 INT’s in the first two games. If this pattern continues, he’ll be able to watch the Super Bowl at home with Eli and Archie.

I’ve said it for two straight weeks. This week it’s going to happen. Brady will send Peyton packing.

New England +3, UNDER 47.5

Saturday Night Play Off Report

What we learned today...

COLTS 15 - Ravens 6

The Ravens offense sucks. Actually, it can't suck. It's fucking non-existent. Steve McNair needs to retire.

They can't win a field goal race either. With that defense, they shouldn't lose a game. But ya can't win if ya can't score.

The Colt's Defense may not be as bad as we all thought. Granted, they had little to worry about today.

Peyton Manning is as bad in the post season as we all thought. His team won another game, IN SPITE of him.


















Peyton's fore head is growing at an increasingly alarming rate.

So next week we get to see if the Colts can do it again, this time against a team that can score. I picked that prick Manning to lose twice in two weeks and he's proved me wrong both times.

I hate being wrong, but I'm a pig headed gut. I'm going to make the early prediction that the Colts will lose in the AFC Championship game against the Chargers or Patriots.

But for now, we have this moment to remember...or make us sick...















After Saturday's win over the Ravens, Archie Manning
embraced his oldest son and proclaimed, "At least you're
not the fucking failure your little brother is."

I hate you Peyton.

New Orleans - Philly

This game's in progress. I will make a few observations and be back with more tomorrow..

Andy Reid needs to pass a few buffet lines. The guys' pushing maximum density. His Defense came out hitting.

The Saints have too many weapons. They've got to be the clear favorite to come out of the NFC and head to the Super Bowl.

And it's good to see that New Orleans is back to normal after Katrina. Even the young, white, blonde hooker population has returned.

Wonder if Fox will see a fine from the FCC for broadcasting this image? After all, she's got the word FUCK on her shirt. They should be happy she wasn't actually doing said activity in the stands....

More tomorrow..

Wild Card Weekend – A Top Five List.

Heading into the Divisional Playoffs, we’ll get to see the four teams who got to sit at home and brush up on their Madden ’07 skills for a week: Chicago, Baltimore, New Orleans, and San Diego. But with a full weekend of NFL mania under our belts I thought it would be nice to revisit the Top Five Highlights of Wild Card Weekend.

5. The Colts Defense Comes Alive.

Dooooo youuuuu feeeeeel liiiiiiiiiike I dooooooooooooo?


Coming into this game I was sure KC running back Larry Johnson was going to run all over the inept Indy D. The numbers suggested the potential for a career day for Johnson. The Colts gave up an average of 173 yards rushing per game during the regular season and everyone knows the Colts choke in the playoffs.

Instead, the unit showed up and held Johnson to 32 yards. And to make things even better KC quarterback looked like Payton’s little brother Eli, throwing for 107 yards, 1 TD, and 2 INT.

All this including bailing out the elder Manning boy, who threw as many completions (2) to KC DB Ty Law as he did to his favorite WR Marvin Harrison.

4. Brady & Belichick Lay The Smack Down on Man-gina

Bill Belichick won three Super bowls (you’d think with 3 Super Bowl rings in his trophy case Belichick could afford a hooded sweatshirt with SLEEVES?) with Eric Mangini at his side as Defensive Cordinator. Eventually Mangini decided to give the whole head coaching thing a shot and took a job with the Jets. Little did he know the first play off opponent he’d face would be his old boss.


Sunday afternoon the Patriots held a football clinic, showing the rookie coach Man-gina and his New York Jets how to play the game like winners. Tom Brady’s play was solid, he was in his typical play off form making few bad decisions and managing the clock on long scoring drives.

Belichick even got in a ‘fuck you’ by sending in ex-Jet Vinny Testaverde to take a knee on the final play.

3. Koy Detmer Proves he Should be at the Pro Bowl.

With seconds left on the clock and the game on the line, Philadelphia kicker David Akers trotted onto the field. The 38 yard field goal he was about to kick would break the tied score and give the Eagles the win. All he needed was a snap, a good hold, and he’d do the rest. Sounds easy, right?

Last week the Eagles asigned long time backup QB Koy Detmer the specific duty of holder. But as Koy took a knee and readied for the snap, there had to be visions of another very similar play just a day earlier. The camera angle was just good enought to see him repeating what looked like 'Don't fuck up. Don't fuck up. Don't fuck up.'

Fortunately for the Eagles, the snap was good, the hold was dead nuts, and Akers won the game with no time on the clock.

2. Eli Eliminated in the First Round.

I don’t know why but I love it when this kid loses. Maybe because he’s been nothing but a whiny bitch from the minute he got into the NFL? Yeah, I think that’s it. For that very reason I love to see him fail. It’s only fitting when someone of his character becomes labeled a bust. Yup, I said it…a BUST. Seeing him fall flat on his face almost gives me wood.

And is it me or does he look like he's about to break into tears when he fucks up on the field?

I’m sure I’ll be hearing from Archie for that shot, but I’ll be happy to tell him to suck my yamsack too.

1. The Demise of Romo.

A week after Kerry Underwood went into hiding and reportedly filed legal papers to change her name the Yoko Romo, poor Tony’s star has fallen. After replacing Drew Bledsoe as the Tuna’s field commander in Cowboy land, Romo became an instant success. He was embraced by America. Kid from a small school gets his shot in the NFL and shows he deserves to be there. In his first taste of regular action, he lead his team to the play offs for. We were graced with the second coming of Joe Montana.

But late in the forth quarter of their wild card match up with the Seattle Seahawks, disaster struck. With 1:19 on the clock, trailing 20-21, Cowboys kicker MartinGramatica took the field for a routine 19 yard field goal. He paced off his approach and nodded to Romo for the snap. In the blink of an eye things went from good to oh fuck. Romo bobbled the snap, tried to put it down, picked it back up, and scurried off toward the end zone. In a sad ending, he was brought down two yards shy of pay dirt and ONE yard short of the first down marker.

Dallas went on to lose the game. Romo went on to cry in the locker room.

The "Don't Bet on This" Playoff Preview

Ahhh the NFL Playoffs. I love it! Enough of the political tomfoolery that is known as the BCS, time for some real football! I know that Big Willie already posted his first round predictions while playing the spread but I'd like to do mine March Madness style and pick my winners all the way through right now. And, since I am sure to be wrong on most of these (although if I am right you will hear me gloat) I will not play the spread since I don't like to gamble on football that much. So, here we go:

DALLAS COWBOYS AT SEATTLE SEAHAWKS

First off let me state how pitiful the NFC is. That fact cannot be overstated. Seattle has quietly come into the playoffs, while RomoMania has cooled off in the last few weeks (let me go on record as saying that I personally believe Romo had a few good weeks that made his head big but now its time to come back to earth and play like the no-name QB he really is but like I said, 99.9% of my predictions are usually wrong). Bill Parcells, FUPA and all, has lost control. Its not his fault. The blame is solely on owner Jerry Jones. He basically forced Parcells to have T.O. and lets face it, nobody can control his pompous ass. But I digress. Seattle is finally back at full strength and they are playing at home. I'm taking Seattle in a blowout.


NEW YORK GIANTS AT PHILADELPHIA EAGLES

Gotta hand it to Andy Reid, he's a hell of a coach. Just a month and a half ago everyone was saying the Giants were the team in the NFC. Then it was Dallas. Well, the Eagles emerged from that division the victors, winning 5 straight and rolling into the playoffs with momentum, and they did it without their star QB. On the other hand, the Giants have looked just awful. Their lone bright spot has been Tiki Barber. Eli Manning (a major pussy) has been getting bashed in the media, and rightfully so. I am actually surprised Daddy hasn't come to his defense and demand the newspapers quit picking on his baby. Well, once again Barber will be the lone bright spot (maybe some Brandon Jacobs action too, since him and I are alumni of the same school), Eli Manning will suck hippo cock, Shockey will blame the coaching staff, Coughlin will blame Eli, Strahan will blame Plaxico, Plaxico will say "I don't give a shit what that gap-toothed fat fuck thinks, now let me smoke this spliff in peace", Pappa Manning will defend Eli, Coughlin will choke Pappa Manning ala Latrell Sprewell, the Giants will lose and Coughlin will get fired.

















"Stop picking on my baby boy! He's very
sensitive! You're hurting his feelings!"


NEW YORK JETS AT NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS

Bill Belichick feels he was betrayed by Eric Mangini and feels Mangini is being a baby. Belichick has actually acted like a baby after a regular season loss to the Jets. Conventional wisdom would say Brady + Belichick + home field + playing the goddamn Jets = easy New England victory. I say otherwise. Now, this is mostly on sheer gut feeling, but I think the Jets will be the surprise team of the playoffs. The major X factor here is Belichick's cockyness. He had won so many times with interchangeable parts that he told Dieon Branch, New England's only real receiver, to get the fuck outta town. Mangini has proven he can coach, and I think he will have a defensive scheme that will contain Brady. If the Jets can stop Lawrence Maroney, which is no easy task, they will squeak by the Pats. Now let the barrage of emails calling me a complete moron begin. I won't blame you.


KANSAS CITY CHIEFS AT INDIANAPOLIS COLTS

This may be the easiest game to predict. The Colts have no defense. The Chiefs have a helluva offensive weapon in Larry Johnson (by the way, just to show you I do admit when I am wrong, I predicted that the Chiefs would have O Line problems this year and LJ would be a flop. Boy do I have egg on my face!). The Colts window of opportunity has officially shut. Plus, Peyton Manning has proven time and time again that when it comes to the postseason he is useless (I hope Pappa Manning doesn't demand I take that statement back). I'm taking the Chiefs in a landslide.


This all brings us to the Division Round:

PHILADELPHIA EAGLES AT NEW ORLEANS SAINTS

Let me say that although Nick Saban is getting bashed for taking Duante Culpepper instead of Drew Brees, lets be real. Both QBs were injured last year and it was a crap shoot. That all being said, Brees is a stud. Personally, I think he should have won the MVP, or at least Co-MVP (I'm sure I will get another barrage of emails but let me say that LT is my favorite current player in the NFL and the above statement is not taking anything away from him, I just feel the Saints would be a 4 win team without Brees, whereas the Chargers would be above .500 without LT). This game is where the Eagles run out of gas. The Saints offense is too potent, especially at home on turf. Saints in a barn burner.


SEATTLE SEAHAWKS AT CHICAGO BEARS

Da Bearss! Da Bearss!! Polish Sausage, Ditka, Bearss.....Enough of my dreaming. This is definitely the hardest game for me to predict. Good Rex = Bears Blowout, Bad Rex = Bears loss. Which one will show up? And what about that banged up defense? And have we seen enough of the Seahawks at full strength this year to fairly assess them? ARRGH!!! Well, I'm a lifelong Bears fan, so I'm pretty accustomed to disappointment. God, I really hope I am wrong on this one, but I'm predicting Bad Rex comes to play and brings his 1.3 or lower passer rating with him and sends the Seahawks to victory.


NEW YORK JETS AT BALTIMORE RAVENS

The Ravens are another one of those teams nobody talks about. Their defense is stellar as usual, and their offense is improved thanks to them actually having a QB for once. That's about all the commentary I have on them. Brian Billick thinks he is a genius, Eric Mangini could be a genius. Gut feeling here again, I'm taking the Jets in an upset.


KANSAS CITY CHIEFS AT SAN DIEGO CHARGERS

San Diego Chargers, featuring league MVP LT. Kansas City Chiefs featuring the game's second best RB LT. Wow. What a game this will be. San Diego is the toast of the NFL. The Chiefs defense is improved this year, but they are not as good as the Chargers' defense. LT will have 5 TDs and the Chargers will roll to victory.


Now for the Conference Championships:

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS AT NEW ORLEANS SAINTS

Once again, who the hell knows what we will see from Seattle. The potent Saints offense will once again be at home on turf, but Shaun Alexander will also benefit from playing on turf, and Seattle also has a good defense. The Saints have virtually no defense. I'm going with big game coaching experience on this one and giving the nod to Mike Holmgren and the Seahawks. Repeat NFC Champs.


NEW YORK JETS AT SAN DIEGO CHARGERS

It's time for Schottenheimer to finally make it to the big game. Mangini may be a genius, but this Jets team just doesn't have the manpower to stop the Chargers. San Diego in the Super Bowl.


Finally, The Super Bowl

SEATTLE SEAHAWKS VERSUS SAN DIEGO CHARGERS

This is the match up of the last two MVPs. Seattle will once again fall one victory shy of the promised land. With no John Elway standing in his way, Marty Scottenheimer will finally win the big one and be the feel good story of the year. San Diego Chargers: Super Bowl XLI Champs.

NFL Playoffs 2007: Wild Card Weekend – A Guide to Getting Paid.

Photo Credit: SI.com

So my boy Rhino posted his take on the College Bowl scene. It’s his game, and I’m not really one to comment on it. While I enjoy NCAA Football, mostly because of the sweet tailgating experience and the plethora of extremely attractive coeds, I’m not a freak, or at least a freak in the sense that Rhino is.

I prefer the NFL. And because of that preference, I also prefer to GAMBLE on the NFL. I stay away from betting on college sports in general, for reasons I care not to divulge here. Let’s just say you stick with what you know.

That said, here’s my breakdown of the first round, aka Wild Card Weekend.

KC Chiefs @ Indy Colts (LINE: Colts -7, o/u51)

I’ve heard a lot of people who claim to know football to say this one is a lock. That Archie’s #1 son will tear through the Chiefs questionable defense. But the problem I see here is that his time on the field is going to be limited. Let’s face it, William “The Refrigerator” Perry could rush for 150 yards against the Colts. And the Chiefs happen to have a RB who’s slightly better…Larry Johnson. Look for Johnson to carry the ball upwards of 40 times, eating the clock and keeping Manning on the sidelines. Better yet, when KC gets the lead, Payton will start to make some bad decisions and will look more like Eli. Not only does KC COVER, they win outright.

KC+7

Dallas Cowboys @ Seattle Seahawks (LINE: Seahawks-3, o/u46.5)

This one will go down as “The Romo Game.” I say that because I strongly think that Dallas QB Tony Romo will make Sexy Rex Grossman look like Joe Namath. In his first playoff game, look for Romo to turn the ball over early and often. Seattle’s got more experience in key positions and a coach who doesn’t have the body of Patrick from Sponge Bob. Seattle will win at home and send the Tuna packing.

SEAHAWKS -3

NY Jets @ NE Patriots (LINE: Patriots -9, o/u37.5)

Hate to say it, but you’ve got to go with Brady. The kid has proven himself time & time again in the playoffs, and will do it again this year taking his team deep. After an embarrassing shut out loss to Miami, Brady has led the Pats to three straight wins, posting 40 points twice. He’s coming into this game with a hot hand, and will guide his team to another playoff win.

PATS -9

NY Giants @ Philly Eagles (LINE: -6.5 o/u46.5)

Philadelphia’s hot, winning 5 straight to close out the season. The Giants are coming off a big win vs. Washington that they desperately needed after two ugly losses, one of which came at the hands of Philly. The difference maker in this game: Eli Manning. He will continue to shit the bed when it comes to pressure situations. Both of Archie’s boys will be out of the payoffs in round one. Philly. BIG.

Eagles -6.5