This Week's Tasty Nuggets

First, let me congratulate the Bears and the Colts on making the Super Bowl. I've gotten bashed by my fellow Bears fans for picking them to lose to the Seahawks, and I deserve it. I'm an asshole and I should have never doubted the Bears. And to all you Colts fans, although I do not have a lot of love for any member of the Manning clan, I am glad to see you guys there also because I think Indy is a class organization and you guys are good fans. That being said, let the shit talking begin!

About the game: the media is touting the fact that this is the first time a black head coach has made the Super Bowl. Well, both coaches are black. I don't think that should be the thing talked about with these two men though. It should be the fact that these may be the two calmest coaches to make a Super Bowl. Neither men are hard nosed, foul mouthed types and both are classy guys that any franchise would love to have as the face of their organizations.

Well, it didn't take long. Another Bengal was arrested today. Wow. What a shock. And no, it wasn't Chris Henry again. This time it was CB Jonathan Joseph. He was arrested for marijuana possession early this morning while driving near his home in Kentucky. According to ronmexico.com he must now go by the pseudonym of Hank Montserrat.













I swear it wasn't me
this time!

Speaking of Ron Mexico, it was announced today that a Miami Dade crime lab has found no evidence of marijuana on the water bottle taken from at an airport last Wednesday. Sounds to me like Horatio Caine pulled some strings on this one. OK, first of all, as a previous article stated, if this happened to any of us peasants we would have been apprehended, given a thorough full body cavity search, and had our asses thrown in the slammer. But I guess that's one of the perks that comes with being one Ron Mexico. Now they're saying that there was no marijuana residue, but they did not say what the substance was that looked like marijuana, smelled like marijuana, and was in a hidden compartment. Now, the conspiracy theorist in me says this: the Dolphins are in disarray, probably would love to have a new QB, and the Falcons are rumored to have had enough of Vick's antics and are somewhat shopping him around. I'm not saying, I'm just saying.......

Another rumor is that Oakland is prepared to package Randy Moss and a first round pick for Mexico. Huh? The main reason Falcons owner Arthur Blank wants to trade Mexico is because of his image problems. And he's gonna get Randy Moss in return??? That's like saying "Hey, I'll trade you this piece of shit for your piece of crap!" You're getting the exact same problems, possibly more problems, if you make that trade.
























Mr. Wolf, I want the Dolphins
to get a Super Bowl ring! Make
sure Ron Mexico is not in jail
for next season!

Speaking of the Falcons, former head coach Jim Mora Jr. got his wish. Well, sort of. We probably all remember how he went on a Seattle radio station and professed his love of the idea of him coaching the Washington Huskies, even going as far as to say that he would abandon the Falcons in the middle of a playoff run to take the job. He has just been hired as the new assistant head coach of the Seahawks, bringing him even closer to his dream job. It is rumored that he is the heir apparent to an aging Mike Holmgren.

The Steelers hired Bill Cowher's replacement today. Mike Tomlin, who spent last season as Minnesota's defensive coordinator, was given a four year contract. Given the Steelers' history (2 head coaches the last 40 years) that contract will be renewed several times over.

Jerry Jones had a decision: T.O. or Front Butt. I think Skeletor must have been taking advice from The BooYah Network resident cokehead and T.O. anal prober Michael Irvin when he made his decision. Now, I know Front Butt said he "retired" (how many times have we heard that one?), but a big part of me says that Skeletor was given an ultimatum by his coach: him or me, especially since he was prepared to attend the Senior Bowl and do all the offseason thing a returning coach does. And lets face it, Front Butt is in the same category as Larry Brown and Nick Saban: the grass is always greener on the other side (or in Ron Mexico's water bottle). He will coach somewhere in 2008, I guarantee it.








I choose T.O.!
























Front Butt: Coaching in a city
near you!

What happened to the great Bill Belichick yesterday? Up 21-3, and he decides to throw the ball like he's down 21-3?!?! Couldn't have happened to a better man. Everyone is expected to bow down and kiss his feet, but when it was time to congratulate Peyton Manning on a good game he walked past him and brushed him off. What a fucking baby. LT was right. He absolutely has no class.













But I'm a genius! I demand
that I be given a spot in the
Super Bowl!

Time for everyone's favorite part, The Mockery Former Player of the Week. I decided to go with a former Colt in honor of their Super Bowl appearance, so I picked my favorite member of the 1994 team: backup QB Don "The Magic Man" Majkowski. He became a member of the Colts in 1993 after an average career in Green Bay, which ended with an injury, which led to the entry of then backup Brett Favre, who has yet to sit a game since then.















You may be no Brett Favre,
Magic Man, but you are
the MAMQB Mockery
Former Player of the
Week!